Unhooked: Holy in a Hookup WorldSample

Day 31: Standards

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If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. –James 1:5

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Right this minute, God is on the move.

He is aligning your life with His will, closing old doors and opening new ones, preparing you for your future—which could include marriage.

If your future does include marriage, how should you choose a spouse? Wisely.

It’s a challenge in a hookup world, where preferences outshine standards.

What’s the difference between preferences and standards?

Preferences are ultimately irrelevant to a person’s ability to have a healthy, holy marriage. But standards are integral to it.

You may prefer that a man has a beard. You may prefer that a woman shares your affinity for beach volleyball. But relationships don’t stand on preferences like body types and hobbies.

Relationships are built upon sturdy standards—like a shared love for Jesus, a mutual set of values, and a common commitment to Christ.

What has your priority been: preferences or standards? Healthy, holy relationships are based on the latter.

When we put preferences ahead of standards, we set ourselves up to compromise—we start to behave as if a date’s facial features are more important than his or her faith.

Attraction, of course, is critical.

But is it wise to pick a person based solely on attraction and hope he or she happens to meet all your standards, too? Or should you pick a person you’re attracted to from a pool of people who you know meet your standards?

Your odds of creating a healthy, holy relationship are greater if it’s with somebody who already has demonstrated the qualities a solid Christian spouse should have.

God doesn’t want you to compromise your standards in favor of preferences. He doesn’t want you to settle for relationships that aren’t as healthy and holy as they could be.

Ask Him to renew your passion for being patient while you wait to connect with someone who meets your standards, instead of settling for someone who doesn’t.

Ask Him to help you to discern the difference.

"Fear of the LORD is the foundation of true wisdom. All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom." –Psalm 111:10

He is ready to grow you. Let Him.

Pray

Thank You, Father, for your patience with me as I grow in my own patience—especially in intimate relationships. I long to make wise decisions. Please grant me wisdom in choosing how to date and whom to date. I never want to settle for less than Your best!

Reflect

What standards, or non-negotiable traits, do you need a potential spouse to have? What preferences, or negotiable traits, do you appreciate in a potential spouse? In the past, what preferences have you treated as having greater importance than your standards?