Getting Dating RightSample

Who to Date

Yesterday, we started the conversation about dating by talking about what it’s for and not for. It’s for discovery and intentionality. It’s not for using other people to feel valuable or as a way to cover up our own deficiencies. We are called to be holy, and in all our relationships we have the opportunity to help each other become who we were created to be—romantic relationships included.

That being said, when it comes to being intentional in our dating relationships, who we choose to date matters. Paul uses some intense language to paint this picture.

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NLT

Paul gives a directive and, through a series of questions, helps us understand the reason behind the directive. The directive is: Don’t team up with unbelievers. Don’t make them your partner in life. Why? Paul anticipates that question and explains that it’s because you’re different on a fundamental level. Just as light and dark cannot coexist and Jesus and the devil will never agree—there won’t be unity between someone who is following Jesus and someone who’s not.

If you’re a follower of Jesus wondering who you should date, start by choosing someone who is also a follower of Jesus.

Because when we say yes to following Him, everything about us fundamentally shifts—including our identity and purpose. When we’re in Christ, we understand that we are children of God, we are disciples of Jesus, we are walking, talking, dwelling places of the Holy Spirit. Our purpose is to love God with all that we are and love others the same way Jesus loves us. His mission—bringing heaven to earth—becomes our mission.

Dating helps us identify who might be a good partner in that mission. So, choose to date someone who actually has the same mission.

To be clear, someone having the same mission means more than them saying they’re a Christian or having a cross in their Instagram bio. There should be evidence of that mission in their day-to-day life. What might that look like? Great question.

Jesus told His disciples they’d be able to recognize truth-tellers from the fakes and phonies by the “fruit” of their lives:

By their fruit you will recognize them … Matthew 7:16 NIV

If you’re considering a relationship with someone, look at the fruit of their life. How do people talk about this person? Are you always hearing stories about how they’re rude to teachers and disrespectful in class? Do people walk on eggshells around this person because they’re never sure when they’ll snap in rage? Have the people they’ve dated said they got cheated on? That’s bad fruit—watch out! On the other hand, do you see this person go out of their way to include people others have rejected? Are you hearing stories of how they support and stick up for friends, family members, and even strangers? Are they kind, helpful, and patient? That’s good fruit!

Who we choose to date matters. Date someone who is committed to following Jesus, pursuing holiness, and who has good fruit in their lives.

As we close, it would be a miss not to look in the mirror. Would people who look at us be able to say we’re committed to following Jesus, even when it’s hard? That we are pursuing holiness, even when our desires are trying to pull us in a different direction? Would they see good fruit in our lives?

The greatest calling of our lives is not who we date. Yes, that matters—but what matters even more is who we become. So, become the kind of person who lives like Jesus actually changes everything and believes He is better than anything.

Challenge: Are you the kind of person that the person you’re looking for is looking for? Maybe it’s time to take a look at the fruit of your life. Read Galatians 5:22-23 and ask a trusted friend to help you assess if those fruits are evident in your life. Where you see a gap, repent—ask Jesus for help and commit to doing better moving forward.