Love After Marriage- Emotional IntimacySample

Day 2: Healthy Intimacy and a deep, personal knowing

Here is the definition of healthy intimacy in marriage that we use:

Healthy intimacy exists in a relationship between two people who both know and are known by each other in a deep, personal way; and that deep, personal knowledge is talked about openly and is then handled with trust and respect.

So there are three main components to healthy intimacy:

1. There must be a deep, personal knowing that goes in both directions.
2. There must be intentional talking about that deep, personal knowledge.
3. That deep, personal knowledge that is shared must be handled with trust and respect.

Being vulnerable and allowing someone full access to your heart is probably the greatest risk you will ever take. Most people will often take physical or financial risks before ever opening up their hearts. Others will even risk being sexually intimate without being emotionally intimate. The truth is, healthy intimacy should never begin with sexual contact; it must begin with knowing each other and it must continue with knowing each other.

Sometimes, you may think you understand your spouse simply because you have observed him or her for years. While it is true that you can learn a lot by observing, real intimacy requires that you talk openly. It is only by talking openly and honestly that you can really work together on issues that affect your marriage. Ephesians 4:15 says, “…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” God has called us to speak truth to one another in love as a representation of Him. We cannot let fear get in the way of the intimacy that God desires for us.

Ponder & Pray: Lord, we pray that you will help us to have a desire and willingness to go beyond what is familiar and comfortable in the area of deep, personal communication. We pray that if one of us is stronger in the area of communicating, for example, we will be patient and supportive, using our gifting to help our spouse instead of expecting them to be just like us. We pray for courage where we feel inadequate so that we can willingly take gradual risks and increasingly open up, learning to speak the truth in love. Amen.

Activation: If you are ready to get rid of any fear when it comes to vulnerability, pray this, “ In the name of Jesus, I nail to the cross, the fear of opening up myself and risking vulnerability and I nail to the cross the lie of fear that says it will be worse if I tell the truth in love. I break any agreements with this fear that I have made in my thoughts, and any agreements I have made through my choices. In the name of Jesus, I break every agreement I have made with this fear, known or unknown to me. Father, send this fear away from me. I give you permission, Lord, to teach me to risk being vulnerable. Father, what do you want to give me to replace this fear of vulnerability?” (Take a moment to listen and write down what you hear)

*(A caution to this is if you are in a physically and emotionally destructive relationship. For this to work, both parties in the marriage must be willing to speak the truth and respond in love. Until that time, seek the Holy Spirit’s direction as to how and when you should speak.)