One Sided MarriageSample

Why Do One-Sided Marriages Happen? Part 1

Why do one-sided marriages happen? There are a number of things that I think can contribute to a one-sided marriage. Let’s look at three today and two more tomorrow.

Family of origin. What were the homes like where you and your spouse grew up? How do those families of origin affect your marriage today? So many of our marriage expectations come from our family of origin. That was our textbook of how to do relationships. Depending on how you view those years, it will affect your marriage in a positive way or a negative way or both. Paul tells us to not only look out for ourselves but also for others. When that is modeled in the family of origin, it is normal for us to pursue doing this in our marriage. When it is not modeled well, it puts us at a disadvantage that can damage our marriage.

Poor Communication. It seems that every couple struggles with communication at some point in their marriage. A healthy couple will work on their communication and get outside help if needed. When poor communication is not addressed, a number of negative things begin to happen. One spouse may not feel heard and may pull away and that begins the one-sided marriage. They may feel that this marriage is not meeting their needs because they cannot communicate with their spouse. One of my favorite verses is James 1:19. It is the bullet point list to overcoming poor communication. Listen to your spouse, giving them all of your attention while seeking to completely understand what they are saying. Then really think about what you will say to them. Ask yourself, “Does what I am going to say honor God and my spouse?” Finally, don’t get angry. This person is not your enemy and anger solves nothing.

Insecurity. When one spouse is insecure and afraid they will lose the marriage, they may do everything they can think of to send the message that they are irreplaceable. This can result in an unbalanced marriage. Our true identity comes from God and not from our spouse. John 1:12 tells us that “we are children of God.” When we rest in that truth, it can take our insecurities away because we can see ourselves through God’s eyes.

Take some time to consider each of these and then ask yourself if they are an issue in your marriage.

Today’s Challenge

• Take time to pray about the three causes of one-sided marriage that I shared today.
• Are family of origin, poor communication or insecurity issues in your marriage?
• Write down today’s three verses and keep them with you to read every day.