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Communication Breakdown #3: Blame
I have a friend who made the game-winning shot in a high school basketball game with 5 seconds left on the clock. Talk about an exhilarating moment for an eager high school athlete! The problem was, he scored in the wrong basket. His “game-winning shot” quite literally made his team lose. The problem: he was shooting on the wrong side of the court. That exhilarating moment went from being awesome to the most embarrassing moment of his life in just a few seconds once the scorekeepers realized what happened.
Pitting yourself against your spouse in a fight is just like shooting on the wrong side of the court because you are on the same team. Don’t make the mistake of playing for the wrong team.
Blame is a major communication breakdown. You are both on the same team, but when you play the blame game you are operating as rivals.
The two of you are one. When you entered into the marriage covenant, you became one flesh. So, it’s never “me” versus “you." It’s always “us” working together to solve the problem. There are no winners and losers on the same side; there's only a problem out there for you to solve.
Dr. Kim Kimberling, Christian counselor and president of Awesome Marriage, talks about “the turn.” He encourages couples that are facing each other fighting to turn, face the problem side by side, and fight the problem together. So make this “turn” together and choose to stop playing the blame game.
Challenge: Decide together today that you will work on viewing your marriage more like a team. Pray and ask God to help you avoid blaming each other and instead act like great teammates who solve problems together.
The next time you are in a fight, try to visualize “the turn.” Visualize standing next to your spouse on the same team. Then figure out what the real problem is and face it together.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS:
Where have you been guilty of playing the blame game?
What do you think it looks like to be great teammates in your marriage?
What is one thing you can do to grow to better teammates?
About this Plan
Communication is the number one issue couples ask for help with. Learning to communicate effectively as a couple will reduce unnecessary arguments, decrease stress in the home, and strengthen your bond. Growing in communication will not only provide your marriage with more peace but it will deepen your friendship and intimacy with one another. This plan by Christina Dodson gives you Biblical principles to achieve awesome communication in marriage.
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