Achieving Awesome Communication in MarriageSample

Asking Good Questions

There are around 3,300 questions in the Bible. Jesus asked questions often. They were central to his teaching. He is recorded asking 307 questions in the Bible.

There’s a pivotal difference between Jesus and us is that Jesus asked questions for the hearer’s sake, not his own. We ask questions to gain understanding and information. Jesus asked questions to provoke self-awareness, God-awareness, and transformation. Jesus didn’t ask questions for himself, he already knew the answers. He asked questions for others.

Part of good communication in marriage is asking good questions. Unlike Jesus, we do need to ask questions in order to gain understanding, because unlike Jesus, we do not have all the answers.

Not understanding your spouse will cause an array of conflict in your marriage. Seek to understand your spouse in order to reduce conflict and in order to best enjoy your spouse and who God created them to be.

Your spouse needs you to be curious about them. Your spouse needs you to want to know them.

Your questions can also help them grow to be more self-aware. Being self-aware makes you healthier and your marriage can only be as healthy as the two of you.

Challenge: Today be curious about your spouse. Be a student of your spouse. Commit to learning how to ask your spouse good questions.

Here are just a few examples to get you started:

If you are in an argument:

• Can you help me understand why you are so upset? I want to understand and solve this problem together.
• Can you help me understand why you did that? I want to know what happened so we can solve this together.
• Can you tell me more about how I made you feel? I want to understand how you felt.
• What can I do to make it right?
• What needs to change for next time?

If you just want to engaged in better conversation on an average day:

• What was one thing that brought you joy today?
• What was a low point in your day? What made it low?
• Where did you see God move today?
• What is something you are hopeful for?
• What gave you energy today?
• Did anything drain your energy today?

APPLICATION QUESTIONS:

1. What can we learn from the way Jesus asked questions?
2. Why do you think questions are so impactful?
3. How will being self-aware improve your marriage? What are some practical ways you can strive for self-awareness?
4. How can you begin to ask better questions in your marriage?
5. How will seeking to understand your spouse improve your marriage?
6. What does it look like to also “be curious” about your spouse and seek to understand them consistently? Ask your spouse how you can grow in this area.