The Marriage CourseSample

Love in Action

Love is about more than feelings; it’s about what we do -- it involves action. Love always costs us something.

The five love languages 1

1. Loving words
2. Thoughtful presents
3. Physical affection
4. Quality time
5. Kind actions

For each of us, one of these ‘love languages’ will communicate love more effectively than the others.

Most people have different love languages to their partner.

Often we try to communicate love in the way we understand it and want to receive it.

A marriage that is full of love is where we are seeking to meet our husband or wife’s needs in the particular way that makes them feel loved.

1. Loving words

Words have great power either to build up or to put down our partner. 

Give compliments and encourage each other daily.

Speak kindly to each other.

For some people, hearing words of affirmation feels like arriving at an oasis in a desert.

2. Thoughtful presents

Giving presents is a way of investing in our marriage

• can be inexpensive but have high value; for example: a single flower, a bar of chocolate
• don’t wait only for special occasions
• actively discover what your partner likes (within your budget!)

3. Physical affection

Affectionate touch is a powerful communicator of love in marriage. If this is your partner’s primary way of feeling loved, in times of crisis touch will communicate more than anything else that you care

We need to use the whole range and find out from our partner what’s appropriate at different moments: holding hands, putting an arm round each other’s shoulder or waist, a kiss, a hug, a hand on a hand, a back massage, sexual foreplay, making love.

4. Quality time

Togetherness means more than physical proximity. It involves focusing our attention on our partner.

Quality time together builds friendship through:

• talking together
• eating together
• having fun together

5. Kind actions

This involves expressing love through serving our partner, through seeking to meet their needs in practical ways. 

Find out from your partner what kind actions are most meaningful for them.

Love is not just a feeling -- it requires an act of the will to meet each other’s needs. We are called to imitate the love of Jesus.

The teaching on the Five Love Languages is adapted from Dr Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, The 5 Love LanguagesⓇ: The Secret to Love That Lasts (© 2015). Published by Northfield Publishing. Used by permission.

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