The Marriage CourseSample

Strengthening Connection

Marriage is designed to be the closest possible relationship of increasing intimacy and growing interdependence. But this is not automatic; we have to keep working at our marriage if we’re to stay closely connected. 

Tending a vineyard

Four analogies for tending a marriage:

1. Adjusting

The early years of marriage require a lot of adjustment. 

We can change ourselves; we can’t change our partner.

2. Pruning

As life gets busier, a key skill in marriage is prioritizing our relationship (pruning back certain areas of our lives in order to prioritize another). 

We will only survive as a couple if we learn to prioritize our marriage relationship over every other demand on our time. 

3. Supporting

Marriages need a support network (eg, friends, family, older married couples we learn from).

We may face challenges from illness, infertility, finances, empty nest, elderly parent(s).

Supporting and encouraging our partner is essential.

When we support each other, the very challenges we face can draw us closer together. 

4. Renewing

Being prepared to talk about our own individual needs and desires.

Sharing with our partner our hopes for our future together.

Slowing down for long enough to decide on changes we’d like to make.

Considering if we should stop certain activities in order to have more time together.

Starting something new that will strengthen or restore or renew the connection between us. 

If you’re struggling in your marriage, we want to encourage you that reconnecting is possible. When couples tend their relationship, things can change dramatically and they can go on to experience a new connection and intimacy. 

Make time for each other

Making time for the people that matter most in our lives doesn’t just happen; it requires a conscious decision. If a relationship is to thrive and keep growing, we must have regular quality time together.

Plan a ‘date’ with your partner once a week - spend one to two hours alone together to rekindle romance, have fun and talk together about your feelings (your hopes, fears, worries, excitements).

Nurture each other

Nurturing involves seeking to meet each other’s emotional needs for affection, encouragement, support, comfort, etc.

It’s as though there’s an empty space inside each of us that needs to be filled up with another person’s love and attention

• when we’re known intimately, when we’re loved by another, we are no longer alone; the space inside is filled up

The way to keep filling this space inside is by recognizing and meeting each other’s emotional needs.

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