Happily By Kevin ThompsonSample

Happily Live in Truth

If you can’t tell your spouse the truth, you have a problem. Lies kill. They may not end the whole relationship, but they destroy elements of trust, intimacy, and connection: Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices, and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator, (Colossians 3:9-10). Where a lie reigns, a true relationship does not. Anything built on a lie is a world that does not truly exist. Until the lies stop, a healthy relationship cannot grow.

A marriage in which the truth is regularly told requires humility. Both spouses must realize their imperfections and expect them from themselves and one another. Truth-telling is evidence that mercy is present: The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity, (Proverbs 11:3). Honesty is likely to be present when a couple has a shared purpose. When a couple sees their relationship as having a higher purpose (contributing to the communal good, impacting children, influencing society, bringing glory to God), they are more likely to do the hard work of learning to tell the truth.

We can learn to handle the truth. We can build a pattern of truth-telling so that a deep level of trust is created. As we repeatedly tell the truth, we will see how truth- telling liberates the relationship and frees us from many underlying motives—manipulation, masking feelings, hypocrisy, etc. 

This life-giving truth begins with an understanding of God’s presence in our lives, (Psalm 15:1-2). We recognize God’s authority and creative design. We know marriage was His idea long before it was ours. 

We then find ourselves trying to identify lies we have believed about success, happiness, meaning, and value. We recognize society is regularly telling us a false story of how to experience true intimacy. We become aware that just because something was our experience growing up doesn’t mean it is the only way or the best way to do things. For the pure in heart, truth is a continual pursuit in every aspect of life. Because they are poor in spirit, they know their own temptations. Because they regularly mourn, they aren’t deceived into thinking they are perfect. 

Why are we afraid of the truth? What is the cost of dishonest words in our marriage relationship?