Happily By Kevin ThompsonSample

Happily Humble Yourselves

At the heart of nearly every marriage problem is pride, yet rarely does a couple call me and say, “We have a pride problem.” They might recognize the issue in their spouse, but they never see it in themselves.

Most of the time when we experience the absence of humility—pride—it comes in an unexpected way. We all know people who think they have it all together and have no need of anyone else. Yet the truth is that most of us and most of the people we meet who lack humility are not arrogant; they are insecure. 

Humility helps us define what is appropriate and true about ourselves and for others. A humble person knows not only who they are but they value the otherness of another. I would describe humility as a proper self-perspective when we compare ourselves to God. Knowing God defines our boundaries. When we know who God is and who we are, we can function within ourselves. The result is humility. When we’re humble, we both understand our weaknesses and limitations and our strengths and gifts. We won’t have an inflated view of self nor the need to control our spouse or anyone else for that matter. Humility liberates the self from itself.

How do we live humbly in our marriage when we live in a world that doesn’t fully value marriage? The by-products in marriage are diverse:

• Adultery is the prideful belief that I deserve something I’m not allowed.
• Contempt is the prideful concept that I am better than you.
• Silence is the prideful act that shows you don’t deserve my voice.
• Anger is the prideful response that says I don’t have to care about your feelings.
• The absence of sex stems from the prideful belief that I can ignore your needs.

Pride divides and destroys. Humility unites and multiplies. Here’s the good news: pride dies in the soil of humility. When your relationship is planted in the soil of humility, it can thrive. Have the right expectation of yourself and your mate. Don’t overestimate your own ability: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves, (Philippians 2:3). This creates the soil needed to accept the very true reality that both you and your spouse are flawed and needy. In the midst of your mutual brokenness, choose to find meaning and value, not judgment and anger.

What behavior or attitude of yours has caused your spouse pain? Are you willing to look at that? If so, do. If not, why?