Engrained in Churchنموونە

It’s okay to trust again

When you grow up in a dysfunctional home where things are unpredictable, you naturally begin to wait for the bad to happen. I would find myself constantly drawn to chaos throughout my life because it was normal to me. I couldn’t live without it. I found comfort in my brokenness. I want to tell you that you no longer have to survive. I didn’t know how to live apart from chaos! Living in peace felt foreign to me. With God's help, he can show you how to live abundantly and have peace always! As a child who grew up quickly, I became independent, believing that I didn’t need anyone and that friendships were a waste of time. I believed that in order never to experience disappointment, hurt, or pain ever again was to steer away from people as far as I could. I went as far as to watch church online for seven years! All to avoid people.

What I didn’t realize was that I was viewing the world from my trauma lens, the lens of distrust, the lens of hurt, the lens of pain, the lens of disappointment. I was missing out on everything that God wanted to give me. This debilitated my relationship with the lord. The day came when the lord told me it was time to attend church. I had a fear of going to in-person church for the first time, and I had a lot of anxiety. I assumed that people would be able to read me and know all about my past, and the vulnerability terrified me. The Lord was faithful to direct each step as I entered the church. I asked for wisdom and discernment on whom to trust. He put the right friends on my path that to this day, I still have. I allowed others to love me and support me. I had to re-position my heart to receive from the lord and from people.

Friend, it is time to step out of your comfort zone and time to be rooted in the community. God desires relationships and community for you! It is time to let go and take a step of faith. It is possible to live a life full of abundance and peace! He will show you a new life, a new way, and new healthy habits, and he will give you a new heart! God will direct your steps; you just have to trust him. Ask him for help, and he will faithfully show you how.