Ephesians 5 Qualities and Character

By Linda Nuñez

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."—Ephesians 5:21 (NIV)

• Men: Read Ephesians 5 and ask yourself, “Can I sacrificially love this woman for the rest of my life and lay down my life for her? Can I lead and serve her the way Jesus commands?”
• Women: Read Ephesians 5 and ask yourself, “Can I be led spiritually by this man? Is he fit to follow?”

Analyze the four Cs: character, conversation, core values, and commitment. Ask yourself the following:

How does your date treat others (waiters, parents, and siblings)? How do they speak? What do they talk about the most? What’s on their heart and mind? Do they have integrity? Are they hard working? Are they in severe financial distress? Do they have self-control? Have you seen them angry? What’s their family like? Are they “doers” or just talkers (lack of commitment)?

Take a few minutes to ask yourself these questions about your date. Then, at a later time, ask yourself these same questions, because ultimately you attract who you are!

Don’t forget that when you’re in the early days of dating, you’re in the salesperson mode, so you’ll always meet their best representative. Spend a good amount of time analyzing the person you’re dating. Give yourself the gift of time to see their true character and content.

Past Experiences: Address Your MESS (Family Included)!

Andy Stanley best summarizes this by stating that your date’s “past is the best indicator where they’re heading and where they’ll end up.” You want to first become the person you want to attract, so it’s really important you address any unresolved issues of your past before you become emotionally intimate with someone. One of the best gifts you can give in a dating relationship is for YOU to become healthy first. Don’t drag your baggage from relationship to relationship.

Additionally, your home of origin will creep up in your relationships. Your family’s DNA (the good, the bad, and the ugly) will reveal itself involuntarily. It’s pertinent you and your date have talks about your past, your home of origin, and any unresolved family/relationship issues. Allow the Lord to start healing your past hurts. Remember, you’re not looking for perfection because no one comes from a perfect family, but be very intentional about spending time with their family.

Future Goals: Get to the Finish Line!

Remember that three-legged race? It’s hard to stay motivated in a team that doesn’t have an end goal in mind. In your courtship, you’re part of the same team and, as members of the same team, you should strive to set short-term and long-term goals as individuals and as a partnership. Examine if your date has a plan in place to get to a goal in the next couple of years. Where do they want to be financially, educationally, and professionally in five years? What spiritual goals do they have? What motivates them? What relationship goals do you have as a couple? Are they using their planning and organizational “muscles” to execute their future plans?

To finalize, Andy Stanley states, “If you don’t want a relationship like most, then stop dating like the majority.” Marriage was created by God for friendship, companionship, and permanency. Marriage is the second most important decision you’ll make here on Earth (second to accepting Jesus as your Savior), so we hope you take plenty of time to seek wise counsel and look deeply at the person you’re dating. Be careful trying to make the wrong person the right person. You can start by putting Jesus in the first place of your dating checklist so everything else will fit in its right place!