3 Marriage Builders That Will Strengthen Every Fully Connected Marriage 

Marriage Builder #1-Intimacy

When we talk about intimacy it’s not just sex. Yes, physical intimacy is vital to a healthy marriage but it's also about conversations that connect, moments that solidify you're the only one and non-sexual physical touch reserved for them alone. Intimacy can be severely lacking and one of the hardest hurdles to jump without God. Genesis states clearly that "a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one." (Genesis 2:24) 

Connect often. The heart of Fully Connected is to fuel the feelings of connection to God and each other. A fully connected Marriage experiences sexual intimacy regularly and works for emotional intimacy on a daily basis. 

Talk about it… all of it! Not every conversation is intimate but how we connect, when we connect and what we connect about fueling our connections. If every conversation revolves around work, schedules, kids and responsibilities it's harder to feel seen or known. But when you're willing to say, “I’m having a hard day”, “will you pray for me?” or share the big and little wins from your workday, you’re able to connect. 

There are two important  elements of communication, talking and listening. God gave us two ears and one mouth. Intimacy requires that we listen. We get to practice using our ears more than our mouth. Being a great listener means we hear what they say and take it to heart. 

Keep it physical. Hold hands, kiss, hug or whatever else speaks love to your spouse outside of sex. Not all physical touch needs to lead to sex but all physical touch is for the purpose of connection. There’s something reassuring about the connection of a kiss or being held that is reserved for just your spouse. In our marriage, emotional breakdowns can be diffused with a simple hug or if my spouse pulls me in close. Holding hands in the car or at the movies or walking to the stands at a football, volleyball or soccer game physically represents the desire to be connected.

Marriage Builder #2-Intentionality

In an intentional marriage, we purpose to do the things that speak love to them even when we don't really want to. Being intentional is simple and happens in the little things.

Know what is important to them. Often we know what to do but don't want to do it. This happens in our lives and it happens in our relationships. We must purpose to do the good we want to do and trust God to give us the heart and desire to do it. Romans talks about the dilemma between what we should do and what we actually do. Do the things that are important to them and you both win! Be intentional and love on purpose every chance you get. 

Go the extra mile. This one is easily overlooked. If you've been married for a while you know it's easy to stop caring about important things. Laundry can sit for days unfolded and unattended. That bill that needs to be paid can be pushed aside because it's just not that important to you. Getting showered and fixing your hair is the last thing you want to do with a new baby. Working out doesn't seem to fit with your hectic work-family life schedule. Going to church regularly can feel like a luxury that time doesn't allow for. When you get home from work the last thing you want to do is explain your day or listen to your spouse's day.  The bottom line, it's about looking at each other,  intimately connecting through conversation and taking a minute to love and serve our spouse intentionally so we can fully connect.

Marriage Builder #3-Initiation

We must quit waiting for them to ______________(fill in the blank). Marriage is a two-way street and requires equal effort from both parties. I must be willing to do my part even when they aren't doing theirs. I will love them, serve them, care about their needs regardless of what I'm getting in return. It's not a give to get but a give to give relationship and a fully connected marriage initiates intimacy, conversations, serves the other and celebrates. You can start with one simple action that could be non-existent in your marriage right now. 

Flirt a little (or a lot). Those silly love notes you wrote forever ago are just as powerful now. That look, smile or wink they used to give you from across the room serves as a sweet reminder that you are still worth noticing or acknowledging in a crowded world. When they swat your rear as they pass you in the kitchen you realize they’re grateful for more than just your cooking. It’s a love pat, a public display of affection and a sweet sentiment that can speak to the heart. Maybe it’s time for you to affectionally swat them on the rear and follow it up with a compliment!

Publicly honor your spouse. Whether you're at the dinner table with your kids, out to lunch with friends, in a small group at church or at the coffee station at work, how we talk about our spouse is just as important as how we talk to them. Brag on your spouse.(1 Thessalonians 5:11) The more you do, the more you can focus on those good things instead of constantly running to the negative habits or things that drive you nuts.

No matter how little or how big you think it is, being intentional in your marriage takes practice. Practice might not make us perfect, but it will always make us better. Keep going, keep pursuing and keep trying because, in the end, it is always worth it. 

Think It Over:

What was the last thing you said about your spouse when they weren’t around? How would that make them feel? When was the last time you flirted with your spouse?

Make a Move:

Make it a point to brag about your spouse publicly. You can do it at dinner, on social media or in the middle of the busyness of their day and tell them how much you love and why you appreciate them. Be specific and intentional.