Boy Momنموونە

Healthy Emotions

Sometimes little boys have big emotions. Fits and tantrums used to make me want to throw a fit of my own (and regrettably, sometimes I did). Over time I learned that my sons were not trying to drive me crazy; they were struggling to know what to do with their feelings.

When I began to help my boys label their feelings, everything got easier. I learned to come alongside them and offer a few words they could choose from. I would say, “Are you feeling frustrated . . . or maybe you are sad?” Teaching boys to use simple “feeling words” when they are young can train them to tune into their feelings and communicate effectively as they grow older.

Especially as boys enter adolescence, encouraging them to talk about their feelings is incredibly important. As his mother, you will probably notice before anyone else if your son is “off” or something is just not right. Letting him know that you are there to support him (and not interrogate him) can open a door that he will walk through, whether now or later. Your warmth and unconditional love in this time means more to him than he will likely let you know, at least until much later. 

As with so many positive parenting concepts, model­ing healthy emotions is important. Sure, an occasional mom meltdown is normal (or so I tell myself!), but it ought to be the exception, not the norm. In stressful moments I have said to my boys, “I am sorry I am so stressed, but honestly I’ve got a lot going on right now!” Then I’ve tried to model what to do when you feel stressed: “I’m obviously trying to do too much. I need to figure out what I can remove from my list so I can be in a better place today.”

As much as we desire “happy ever after” for our boys, the reality is that they will encounter a wide variety of circumstances that will chal­lenge our expectations. While we can’t guarantee our sons a pain-­free future, we can take steps to equip them to deal in healthy ways with the twists and turns of life—and learn and grow in the process.

How would you describe your son’s “emotional vocabulary”? When is the last time he used “feeling words” in a conversation with you? How might you help him in this area?