Boy Momنموونە

Worthy of Trust

Our sons need to be able to trust that we mean what we say, whether we’re making a promise, asking forgiveness, or teaching them a character trait. Your son’s ability to depend on you will shape his view of life far beyond your relationship. 

Especially as our sons hit adolescence and become self­-conscious (some­times agonizingly so), we must be aware of ways we might break their trust. If your son thinks you are likely to share stories about him to friends or on social media, don’t count on him opening up to you much. If your son thinks you will laugh at him, scold him, or tune him out when he tells you things, he is unlikely to share his life with you. If you stare at your phone or com­puter while your son is talking to you, he will eventually quit doing it. 

The reverse is also true: If you make yourself available to listen to him share the small things of life—whether he’s rattling off what happened at recess or recalling the movie scene he feels compelled to share in excruciating detail—he’s likely to come to you when he wants to talk about the bigger things. A mom who listens to her little boy’s rambling stories is likely to later be entrusted with the news of her teenage boy’s first crush or given a glimpse of his future dreams and fears. 

You will never regret the time and energy you pour into your son. Though there are no guarantees for how he will grow up, you will al­ways know you did your best to lay a firm foundation of trust between the two of you. 

As boys mature, they need to know that trust goes both ways; to main­tain a healthy relationship with you, your son must also prove himself trustworthy. We need to make it clear that lying or using any form of deception is unacceptable and fractures our trust. I used to tell my preschool-­age boys that the truth is always the right thing, and even if what they have to tell me may get them in trouble, they can be sure that lying would get them into much more. 

Have you broken your son’s trust, and if so, how might you work to repair that? What practical opportunities could you give your son to learn what it means to earn your trust?