What’s Giving You the Blues? Mostra

Ephesians 5:8-12 & Romans 2:4

Why you so mean?

Shortly after college I got my first real job. One with benefits! And insurance! And vacation days! It was my first adult-sized gig. It also came with adult-sized issues.

Unfortunately, I had a co-worker that was just not a nice human being. He was inexplicably illogical, often closed-minded and, on some days, just plain mean. I really never understood it. He never smiled or cracked a joke, and he acted like everyone was out to get him. Sheesh, man, maybe relax a little bit. It’s just a job!

Years later, I have a better understanding of this co-worker. My very wise wife explained to me that anger is a secondary emotion. Translation: this co-worker wasn’t just mean. He was protecting something, He had been hurt deeply and found that the most effective way to protect himself from being hurt again was to build a solid steel wall surrounding his emotions so as never to be penetrated by anyone else again.

In MA RAINEY, there is no other way to cut it - Ma is mean. But as the film progresses, we start to realize she comes to her mean streak honestly. A harsh life taught Ma to only allow people she deemed safe to get over her steel wall. Every other relationship in her life is transactional. We also see that, behind her steel wall, there’s a soft heart - and that she loves and protects her nephew. But everyone else? Fall in line or get out the way.

In our own lives, we have to deal with people like this.  How do you crack a hard nut like Ma Rainey? How do you cope with a cruel co-worker? I find a road map in Ephesians chapter 5. 

Ephesians is an interesting book because of the way it’s laid out for us. The first few chapters say “Hey, look at what God has done for us!” The last chapters say, “In light of what we just explained, this is how we should live and treat each other.”  Ephesians is probably one of the more practical books of the New Testament in terms of relating to others. 

The passage in Romans says the goodness of God leads to repentance. Somewhere we got caught up thinking that having perfect theology leads to repentance, or being able to argue somebody into a corner leads to repentance. Nope! Goodness of God. His Kindness is what turns the tide in our hearts.

How does one experience this goodness of God? I'd say the primary vehicle is us! The way that we treat our neighbors, the way that we long suffer, and endure with patience and humility is how one can experience God's goodness. Paul, after listing the type of characteristics we should have, gives us the slickest reminder of humility: to remember that you actually were just like all the things he just said not to be like!  To remember that Someone was patient with you. That a certain Someone could see right through your steel walls and continued to show you love. 

My most earnest prayer is not to be known for my intellectual prowess or my artistic abilities but ultimately for a humble, gentle spirit. To be held as a safe place in the eyes of the most unsafe people. That should be every Christian’s hope.

As a footnote I would also like to stress the importance of setting healthy boundaries around people who might be rather toxic. Never sacrifice your own health and well-being on some sort of martyr complex to save a person. Remember, it is the goodness of God that leads to repentance, and we are just a vehicle to that goodness. So it is important to know when to walk away from something unhealthy.  At the same time, it's important to temper every exchange you have with people with the foreknowledge that “you too were once in darkness.”

When you pray: 

• Ask that God grants you a posture of humility. All your gains in the Lord were gifts from the Lord. 
• Ask God to teach you how to seek first to understand others before being understood. 
• Ask that God will endow you with patience when dealing with difficult people.