Challenging ConversationsMostra

The Three Highly Effective Tactics of a Conversant Christian

Tactic #1: Relate (Personalize the Conversation)

We usually go into a challenging conversation with guns blazing. Our objective is to straighten the other person out. But when was the last time that worked for you? Coming in too hot will only burn bridges. Proverbs 18:19 states, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.” Translation? You will get nowhere by ticking the other person off. No one, I mean no one, responds well to attacks or insults.

As an advocator, your job is to sincerely understand the other person’s point of view, not to make off-base accusations. You do this by conversing with them, not lecturing them. Your approach is to honor them as a person made in the image of God—not disparage them if they don’t conform to your point of view. 

Tactic #2: Investigate (Analyze the Conversation)

People have different backgrounds. Different ways of seeing things. Different temperaments. So you will need to do some investigative work to learn more about them in your endeavor to have a productive conversation which involves asking good questions. What exactly is it that you believe? What are some experiences or life lessons that have shaped your thinking on this issue? Are you open to hearing another perspective? Asking questions demonstrates curiosity and openness, and any person feels complimented when they sense you respect them enough to learn from them.

Tactic #3: Translate (Harmonize the Conversation)

As the conversation draws to a close and before you part ways, your job is to harmonize the conversation by answering three critical questions: (1) What did we learn? (2) Where do we agree? and (3) Where do we go from here?

Thoroughly repeating back the other person’s position will say a lot to them. It shows them you care, you listened, and you take these matters very seriously. Always remember that your intention was never to change the other person’s mind. If they remain disagreeable, make it known that you agree to disagree. If the two of you need space, then agree to that. If, however, you both felt the conversation cleared up some confusion and you want to continue dialoguing, then commit to doing so. Discussing the next steps forces the two of you to evaluate not only the conversation but also the relationship. After discussing where to go from here, end the conversation with prayer.

What about becoming an advocator engages you? What rubs you the wrong way?