5 Days To Freedom From Angry Parentingনমুনা

 DAY FIVE: WHEN YOUR LIFE FEELS OUT OF CONTROL

When my kids were very young, my husband took a job three hours north of my hometown. I had no family and only a few acquaintances there. My husband worked long hours, so it was just three kids under the age of four and me, day in and day out.

One morning, I stood in the doorway of our front porch, waving goodbye to my husband as he left for work, and my heart plummeted. I was miserable at the thought of trying to manage my two active preschoolers for the next thirteen hours while trying to nurse my fussy newborn and keep my house clean. I headed into the master bathroom to brush my teeth, and instead of the joyful, put-together woman that I thought I was, all I could see was my messy, graying hair, sagging pajama pants, and dull eyes. I looked as bad as I felt, as one suffocating day led to the next. I felt that I had no control over my life. 

So my fuse shortened. 

And my voice rose. 

And my hope eroded. 

And my heart ached. 

And the kids got the brunt of it. 

So my guilt swelled. 

And the cycle continued as I wondered if I would ever be able to recover my gentleness and feel whole again.  

I tried to get dressed more often than not, invite others over for playdates, and put together a housekeeping schedule. All of these practical things were steps in the right direction, but my frustration and irritability continued to catch me off guard. I was often exasperated over spilled milk, undone by sibling rivalry, and reactionary over disagreements with my over-worked husband.  

I needed a Holy Spirit intervention.  

So I put into practice two key spiritual disciplines:  

1.) Quiet times of Bible reading and prayer.  

And, 

2.) Genuine grief and repentance over my sin, coupled with specific actions for change.  

I began to protect my quiet times again. Come what may, when the kids napped, I walked past the piles of laundry, the soaking dishes, and the comfy couch. Those things could wait. I ignored the romance novel on my bedside, the TV remote, and social media. I gathered my One Year Bible, my prayer journal, and my wits, and I settled into the chair on my back porch to read and pray. Every day. I began to beg God to cleanse my heart and purify my mouth. Philippians 4:8 transformed my thinking: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” I began to filter every thought through this divine sieve.  

Every time I slipped, I stopped right there and repented. And then I examined what was triggering my anger and sinful reactions. Praying for wisdom, I put a plan in place to help retrain my angry responses, and I practiced, and prayed, and practiced, and prayed, and practiced, and prayed.  

If I was prone to get angry over sibling rivalry, then I examined practical ways I could help them settle disputes in a peaceful manner, like giving them a fun chore they could work together on as a team. If I was impatient and spoke harshly with my kids for interrupting some meaningless thing that had my attention, then I practiced stopping mid-sentence, apologizing, and getting down on eye-level to listen to them. It took time—much more time than I wanted. But change happened over the course of the year.  

What didn’t change were my circumstances. The transition we were facing loomed as challenging as ever, and in some cases, my surroundings got even worse. What made all the difference is that I went back to the One who never changes, and I remembered that His plans for me are ultimately good. When you are going through change, go to the One who never changes.  

“For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.” (Malachi 3:6) 

During those times of transition and lack of control, I forgot that this life is not about me and the smooth, ideal setting I wanted, so I allowed my resentment to consume me. I find a lot of hope in the fact that God is faithful, despite my lack of faith: “If we are faithless, He remains faithful— for He cannot deny Himself” (2 Timothy 2:13). I don’t need to strive for the perfect solution or work harder. Peace in the midst of change comes from the knowledge that, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13, NIV)  

If today you feel overwhelmed or in need of the stable and familiar, don’t look over your shoulder at how things used to be, or into the future of what you imagine life could become. Look to God, who never takes His eyes off of you. Ask the Lord to carry you through this moment, in this home, with these people. When all else fails, if our feet are firmly planted on the rock, the love of Christ steadies our hearts and minds, even if the whole earth gives way beneath us. God knows the number of hairs on our heads and He knows the challenges we are facing. Nothing about the path you are on is permitted without His loving consent. Trust that God is in the transition as much as He was before your world turned topsy-turvy. Have the courage to believe that it can even be for your good. 

Let’s Pray:

“Father, you are the same yesterday, today, and forever. I know that this time of transition is not a surprise to you and that you have allowed me to face these changes. You are with me in the midst of uncertainty. I know that in this chapter of my life where everything seems unsettled that You remain steady. I need your help to feel secure and at peace in my circumstances simply because I am your child and you are my loving Father. I don’t want to be irritable or complain, nor do I want to let my emotions rule my heart and mouth. Give me more of your Holy Spirit in my life and help me to be unflappable, resilient, and victorious! Thank You for being my rock and my firm foundation! In Jesus’ name, Amen!

We hope this plan encouraged you. For a more in-depth study on this topic and other resources by the author, Amber Lia, you can connect on her ministry website at www.MotherOfKnights.com.