5 Days To Freedom From Angry Parentingনমুনা

DAY THREE: WHEN OUR KIDS ARE IRRESPONSIBLE

Some of us believe that our kids will only obey us if we yell at them. But that’s simply what we have trained them to do.  

Of course, I’m not talking simply about volume here—we would need to raise our voices if a child was heading into danger, like running into the street. But yelling at our kids as a way of getting them to do the things we want them to do is simply not a biblical response to our triggers.  

Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Parents who scream and let their words tumble out unchecked are considered foolish. We can feel the tension mounting, yet still be like the wise man who “quietly holds it back” and finds a gracious way to communicate. It will take time and patience to turn this around, but it’s possible!

Foundationally, it’s up to us as the parents to teach and train outside of times of chaos or in the aftermath of conflict. This is especially true when it comes to messes our kids have made or when they don’t do their designated chores. We don’t need to get embroiled in an argument or lose our tempers over laziness. Nor do we need to scream at them as if they can’t hear us. When our kids are not fulfilling their responsibility, we simply need to keep doing the good parenting—coaching our kids towards success!

Here are three ways you can help your children become more responsible:

1. Study your child as an individual and see what motivates them. For some, it will be words of affirmation, so praise them as a starting point to lead into chores. For others, it will be quality time—they like to do things with others, so offer them chores that they can do with a partner or with you. Notice what makes them tick and then play off of their unique strengths!  
2. Choose realistic jobs. Some larger families with older kids have zones that they manage and then rotate. That way, each child gets experience in all aspects of maintaining a home: cleaning bathrooms, helping prep for dinner, or taking care of pets. Emphasize a team spirit and foster a sense of togetherness as you all chip in to help one another.  
3. Remind your kids the reasoning behind working hard and being responsible:  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3:23-24) Let’s model this work ethic in our own lives, too. Even the patient process of training our kids in responsibility should be an act of worship! 

No parent wants lazy children, but it takes a childhood to teach and train a child. Patiently coach them toward responsible behavior instead of yelling or shaming them. If we want our children to honor God, it begins with us.

Let’s Pray:

“Dear Jesus, I want everything I do to be an act of worship. Give my children hearts that desire to serve joyfully, too! I know that chores can be a struggle and that responsible kids don’t happen overnight, but Lord, help me to be patient with them while I train them. You are creative, so allow me to be creative in the ways I teach responsibility. May my own willingness to do everything with joy influence my kids. When I’m weary, Lord, strengthen me. Make our family a team who pitches in to help one another out of loving-kindness. Thank you for being our strength when we are weak and for giving us purpose, even in simple things like chores. In your name, I pray, Amen!”