I Wish It Were You: Gender Disappointment in Pregnancyনমুনা

Day 1: Dealing with Disappointment

It’s not a death or a divorce or a diagnosis. It’s just a slice of blue cake or pink confetti when you had pictured your life with the opposite. And you feel guilty about being disappointed and consumed with this much despair. But you can’t help it; you do truly feel this way. Experiencing gender disappointment is actually quite common, but the subject seems so taboo that many mothers fail to talk about it. What is our problem, we wonder? This baby is healthy; our friend had a miscarriage, and the coworker needed fertility treatments. Why can’t we just be grateful?

My story probably isn’t the same as yours, but I know what it feels like to wish my baby was the opposite gender. I know what it feels like to want this so badly and then feel like my world came crashing in when it wasn’t so. I also know the shame, guilt, and conflict in this disappointment. Because this is your baby, whom you do love, but there is also the loss of the baby you held in your mind, even though the latter never truly existed. As a mother, even this reaction has you feeling torn. But let us remember gender disappointment is not child disappointment, and in the moments when we don’t know or understand God’s plans, we have to focus on His promises. And this is what He has promised, that children are a reward from Him, a blessing, a good thing from above, an intentional life handpicked by our Creator for us.

Application: Write down your disappointment with your circumstances, yourself, someone else, or God Himself. It’s okay to let yourself feel this disenchantment but then tear up that piece of paper and leave it at the foot of the Cross.