Lent Journeyনমুনা

DAY 20
My God, My God

The isolation, loneliness and tormenting of his soul at the end of Jesus’ life, tear at my deepest being. What He goes through in this moment touches me in so many ways. I wish that I can escape death or at least be spared the fear of it. I wish that I could say that I will never have to experience it and that Jesus did it for me already.

However, the romance of death is just that – romance. Jesus prepares me for the loneliness of this journey that I will one day undertake. I am in the same boat as everyone else – on my own. Martin Luther said: ‘You are going to have to die on your own.’

I have never died before and am going to do it once only. I cannot practice for it. If it was difficult for Jesus, then I surely also have permission to struggle with this, and I should let go of all simplistic, idealistic ideas around death.

A common soldier dies without fear, but Jesus died afraid. Iris Murdoch.

There are so many stories of people who lovingly assisted others in their dying hour, who were a great inspiration and example of faith to others at the end of their life. And yet they too died with an intense struggle and deep sorrow. It is as if healthy believers who lived and loved deeply, find it difficult to give up their place in this life. I wonder if that was the reason why it was difficult for Jesus too.

The life that I have now will to come to an end and I will lose it – I want to make peace with that. Jesus said that I have to lose my life in order to find it. Maybe with the acceptance of my own coming death I will gain a deeper appreciation of my current life.

EXERCISE
Imagine the last moments of your life. What are you feeling? What images come up in your mind? Who is with you? What sensations do you experience – what is happening in your body?
Take this emotion to God in an honest conversation.