BibleProject | Rethinking Love and Romanceনমুনা

Finally, we turn to the New Testament’s Christmas story—wait, what? We associate angels, shepherds, and wise men with the Christmas story, but romance? Stick with us. There is something profound to learn about love from a character who does not have a single line in the story.

Matthew’s gospel tells us that Joseph was betrothed to Mary. In their world, betrothals were more serious than modern wedding engagements. The two were legally bound to one another, though they didn’t yet live together or consummate their relationship. During the betrothal time, Mary discovers that she is pregnant—and the baby is not Joseph’s (Matt. 1:18). Imagine being Joseph in this scenario. What is he supposed to do? In their culture, this would have been humiliating to both Mary and him.

Joseph shows lovingkindness to Mary by deciding to divorce her quietly (Matt. 1:19). That doesn’t seem very loving, but consider the cultural context. Joseph could have preserved his own reputation by publicly shaming Mary. He could have told everyone she was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his, leaving her to carry the burden alone. But Joseph won’t do it. He shows mercy toward Mary.

The authors say he wants to divorce her quietly because he is a “righteous” (Greek: dikaios) man. This word in Greek is deeply relational, describing someone doing right by another person and treating others as infinitely valuable creations of God. What could be more loving than treating someone with mutual respect and acknowledging that God built them for honor, blessing, and endless lovingkindness? Joseph wishes Mary no harm. He chooses to care for her.

Joseph is later awakened by a messenger, an angel, who instructs him to not divorce Mary. For Joseph, a quick and quiet divorce instinctively looked best for everyone involved. But Joseph chooses to trust the angel and, again, acts in a way that cares for and blesses (or gives life to) Mary—a picture of true love.

Most of us aren’t getting angelic instructions about who to stay romantically involved with. Wouldn’t that be nice? But we can still choose to act in love toward others in the way that Joseph did. Are we loving another person because of what they can do for us, or are we loving them so that they can be built up, cared for, and blessed with life? Are we choosing to do right by the other person regardless of what they can do for us?

In today’s video, learn more about the Hebrew word khesed that describes the relational and active love that God has for his people.