Question Lifeনমুনা

When Passion Clashes with Obedience

Sometime in high school, I decided I had to do something about the political troubles in my country. I spent hours poring over the news, trying to get fully acquainted with the political complexities and their social consequences. I was going to be a politician. No, an investigative journalist! No, definitely a human rights lawyer. No matter how the dream morphed, I always saw myself fighting for justice and hope for the country I called home.

One day, however, I had a disturbing thought: What if God had other plans? What if, for example, He should call me to settle down in a suburb elsewhere and live a boring life, severed from the country I love?

In short, it took many long, teary, angry nights for me to come to the point where I could grudgingly say, "Lord, I really, really don't like this, but Your will be done--whatever it is--and give me the strength to follow." I desperately hoped, however, that I would never have to make this choice between passion and obedience.

Fast forward to the present and guess what? My fears have indeed been realized. Today, I live with my husband and baby son in a sparsely populated town in another country for now, far from where I would have chosen to be.

But by God's grace, my dreams have matured. I've come to see that my love and passion are, after all, gifts from God. He is rightly jealous when I prioritize the gift over the giver, but He grows me when I surrender to Him.

In the meantime, I am learning to apply my gifts through interacting and loving people who are quite different from me through church ministry. Though some days are difficult, I am learning to trust in God's timing.

I take comfort in the lives of Abraham, Moses, and Christ. Abraham was promised a nation God would call His own, but lived in tents as a foreigner until the day he died (Hebrews 11:9-10). In the case of the young and passionate Moses who wanted to help the Israelites (to the extent that he even murdered an Egyptian), it took 40 years of chasing sheep before God called him from the burning bush (Acts 7:29-30).

Even Christ did not start His ministry until after a time in the wilderness (Mark 1:12-15), and He did so at the ripe old age of 30--by which time most of us would hope to get our careers off the ground. Yet, through their submission, God wrote the wonderful story of salvation that culminated in Christ and which continues to play out in our lives.

If this small corner of the earth is where God wants me to be right now, so be it. In moments when I am not so proud as to think that I know better, I am content and honored to play a small role in God's grand design.--Christine Emmert