Question Lifeনমুনা

The Day I Got Tired of Going to Church

Well, it wasn't so much a day as it was years of feeling tired, but I did not get down to examining why I felt that way. Finally, one day in 2011, I decided to leave my cell group and my church.

When I stopped attending church, the church came to me. And although my church mates tried to gently encourage me to go for services with them, they didn't push me beyond what I felt ready to do. They could see I was on my own journey and gave me space to work out my issues. I greatly appreciated that.

Each time we met up, however, I felt God's presence through the love His people showed me. I felt embraced and accepted by them. Their friendship was a comfort to me, and when they shared their lives and walk with God with me, I experienced what the fellowship of the saints was all about (Hebrews 10:24-25).

On a particular day in 2014, I thought about going back to church. However, I wasn't sure if I should go back to the same church I'd left, or if I should "start with a clean slate" in another church. As I was pondering on this, I seemed to hear God say, "Did I tell you to leave?" That same afternoon, the Holy Spirit convicted me to write an email to my cell group members to apologize for leaving the cell group abruptly and to initiate reconciliation with them.

Over the next few months, I slowly settled back into my cell group and church. The cell group welcomed me back and I began to feel more at home with them. I made a commitment in my heart to love and serve them; because they are the family God has called me to, I decided to be a blessing to them. I do this not because I want to earn God's love, but because knowing He has first loved me enables me to love other--loving others is an expression of my love for Him (1 John 4:19-21). I don't always do this perfectly, but this is something I have committed to grow in.

I'm understanding more and more that going to church and cell group gives us an opportunity to grasp the greatness of God's love for us and to mature in our unity and love for one another (Ephesians 4:1-6). But I've learned through firsthand experience that it is possible to go to church and not grow in one's relationship with God and with people. Therefore, rather than merely committing to go to church, let us remember that we are the church. This paradigm enables me to be a blessing to others with a joyful heart. As Jesus Himself said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35). I am blessed by giving to others as well.--Raphael Zhang