When a Couple Loses a Baby: a Man's Perspectiveনমুনা

5 Struggles Men Face

When a couple loses a baby, their world shifts. People experience this type of loss quite differently, so I'm going to share some struggles men may face after loss. My wife, Ashley, and I lost babies during her pregnancies in 2015, 2016, and 2017. During those times I didn’t communicate as well as I wish I would have; I communicated less frequently and sometimes differently than in the past. I didn’t know how to communicate well about the loss, but I knew I was hurting. My lack of communication had its side effects. Can you relate?

Sometimes we feel unseen when it comes to our emotions. Have you ever felt like no one knew what you were going through? In that alone state, did you run to God or did you try to hide?

When it comes to the pain of losing a child, as a man, there are so many struggles. During our time together, I’m going to share five struggles I faced when we lost children to miscarriage. I’ve found that many men (and women) have experienced the same challenges I faced.

As men, expressing emotions can be difficult, sure. But God created men with emotions, too. We can get better at communication, and when we do, not only do we feel better; we make our family better.

Maybe we are too competitive or guarded to share our feelings with other men.

With our partner, we don’t want to appear weak. We can resist expressing how we feel, rationalizing that her pain is much greater than ours because she carried the baby.

During our time together, we'll discuss some of the feelings associated with loss from a man’s point of view. Did you experience anger or a desire to isolate to cope with the strong feelings that would arise suddenly? From my own losses and many conversations with grieving men, I found that I wasn't alone; other men experienced a barrage of emotions, too. We can do a better job helping other men cope with loss and run to God. God not only tells us to bring Him into every part of our lives; He shows us how to do it. Jesus was fully God and fully man, and He wept (Jn. 11:35), so if He was free to express His emotions, let’s contemplate ways we can empower one another to face strong feelings in God’s presence. My hope and prayer is that we can grow together.

As we get started, ask yourself this: Have I told anyone how I am feeling about losing a baby?

God,

Help me feel what I need to feel and grieve the loss of my child in a healthy way. Show me the steps to grow through this process.

Amen.