Living Changed: In Marriageনমুনা

Identity

We’re constantly bombarded with messages that tell us we’re not enough. Movies, social media, and advertisements all tell us who we should be and what we need to buy to fix our lives. We’re conditioned to look for validation from others.

We want people to think our home looks nice and admire our marriage. We want our husbands to tell us dinner was delicious and appreciate the errands we ran. We exhaust ourselves trying to do and say all the right things so we can earn the title of “good wife.” We think if we can just get enough compliments, then we will feel worthy. Unfortunately, that means the opposite is also true. If we don’t get the affirming words from those around us, it must mean we’re failing.

This constant up and down based on the praise of others leads to emptiness. Nothing can fulfill us and make us whole except a relationship with Jesus. Only when we stop seeking approval from everyone around us can we learn to put God’s opinion first. That’s what it means to root our identity in Christ–to be so firmly planted in Him that we’re unshaken by the opinions of others.

When our identity is wrapped up in anything other than being a child of God–like being a wife–it makes us insecure. When we act out of our insecurities, we become more guarded, fearful, offended, controlling, or emasculating. We can’t be at peace when we’re constantly striving for approval. When we don’t know who we are apart from our marriage, it causes tension and even division.

In contrast, when we live as a child of God, we’re able to be more vulnerable, transparent, and trusting. We don’t have to strive for God’s approval because His love is unconditional and freely given. When we aren’t looking to our husband to fill the void in our hearts and instead allow God to be first in our lives, we will be at peace and our marriage will be stronger.

If you want to improve your marriage, let God be the only authority on who you are. Not the world, your husband, your friends, your mother-in-law, or even the voice in your head. God is constantly chasing after you, waiting for you, longing for a relationship with you. You are wanted and loved by the Creator of the universe.

When you truly understand how deeply God loves you–that He carefully knitted you together in your mother’s womb, that He adopted you into His family and has great plans for you, that you are chosen and set apart–you won’t need the approval of others. Sure, it’s nice to hear compliments from your husband, but if you rely on his words alone, you’ll never feel satisfied. Cling to Christ for your every need and you’ll find new confidence in who you are and how He sees you.