Don't Mom Aloneনমুনা

Day One

When You Feel Completely Responsible for Your Child’s Outcome 

Scripture: Ephesians 2:8¬-10; 1 Peter 4:8

I once heard a mentor speak to a group of moms, and she told us how she only started talking to moms about parenting after her children were grown and she knew she had not failed. While I respect her waiting to impart wisdom until her children were grown, I have a problem with her last phrase. By saying she “had not failed,” she communicated to a room full of try-hard moms that they could fail. 

I believe God has given us a responsibility to love our children well. To model grace, teach truth, and train love. But because of Adam and Eve in the garden, our children are born sinners. I can’t keep my children from failure. And I don’t believe if they “fail” (whatever that means), they are beyond God’s ability to redeem and use them. 

Didn’t God’s perfect Son look like a “failure” as He hung on the cross? But we would not have access to God or be promised eternal life if Jesus had not carried the weight and shame of humanity’s brokenness and failures. Any sin or failing in our own or our children’s lives—past, present, future—was nailed to the cross. Yes, consequences are real. We experience pain and grief with the loss of dreams we hold for our kids. But our hope isn’t found in a successful child; it is found in a faithful God. When I believe the lie that I am fully responsible for my child’s outcome, I miss out on deeper dependence on Jesus. 

Instead of believing the isolating idea that I’m fully responsible for how my kids turn out and my value and identity are wrapped up in their outcome, I’m choosing to connect with God by remembering I’m important but not essential. Focusing on my part—to love, guide, connect with my kids—and letting Him do His part—to fulfill the purposes He has ordained in advance.

Believing that God is fully capable to redeem and restore my kids. If He chooses not to do so this side of heaven, I can trust that He loves them more than I can imagine. By not blaming Him or myself, but instead turning to God, I can find comfort grieving with Him. Then I can move forward in the purposes He planned in advance for me to do. 

When are you most likely to tie your child’s performance to your ability as a mom? Read Ephesians 2:8–10 and consider what part of this verse is yours and what part is God’s.