And It Was Beautifulনমুনা

Grace Dress

A week ago my dear friend Bill Petro helped me get my new blog up and running. I have since been wondering what my first post would be. All the details of my cancer (well, most of them) have been made public. I have decided to share one particular moment when grace really showed up for me in a meaningful way.

I was undone one day last week by an article that indicated my life expectancy. The article itself was sent in love, but all my simple mind could see was the statistical data for how long I would live. Up until that point, Jason and I had been broken and crying, but so full of peace. That evening I would not sleep, I was sick, and I continually added the number listed to each of my children, and I lost my peace.

Grace showed up the next day in a big, big way. When I woke up, I was in bad shape. I asked my neighbor if she could take Lake for the day, and then a friend called to see if she could bring me dinner. I asked her if she was willing to prepare it at my house and watch Story Jane. She said yes and came right over. I then called a woman I knew who had walked the road I was on. She came at 1 p.m. to take me for a walk. She offered joy in the midst of my pain, and hope for a beautiful story all my own. I felt my peace being restored throughout that time.

I came home exhausted and asked my dear I’m-cooking-you-dinner friend if she minded if I took a nap. She scooted me upstairs and off to bed. I woke up a little later and realized Jen Lints was coming to take our last family pictures where I would have hair. I came downstairs bleary-eyed and wondered aloud what our gang was going to wear for the pictures. My cooking-dinner friend said, “You said you liked my dress, right?” She then walked out to her car to get some extra clothes, came back in, and literally took the dress off her back and gave it to me. That’s right. I really have those kinds of friends, friends who will take my children, clean my house, cook my dinner, take our family’s picture, take me on encouraging walks, and give me the shirt (or dress) right off their back.

I call that dress my grace dress. I literally wore it for three days in a row after my dear friend gave it to me. I wear it to anything that feels hard. I will be wearing it to my first chemo treatment. Yesterday I cut off all my hair so it won’t be as hard for my kids when I lose it. I wore my grace dress. After my haircut I decided to sleep in it. Cutting my hair was not really the hard part. I’ve had short hair many times in my life. It was why I had to cut it. After cutting it short, my next step will be cutting it bald. Grace will have to show up that day like a comfy gray cotton dress. And I believe it will.

Thank you to all of you who are walking with me, whether up close or from a distance. I feel so very loved. Our family has been embraced, prayed for, and miraculous peace has shown up in very real ways. I know I am not facing cancer alone. I know it.