Conflict as a Catalystনমুনা

While forgiveness is a key part of the Christian life, I think that extending grace is perhaps even more necessary in our relationships with one another. What is the difference between extending grace and forgiveness? 

We forgive someone when they willfully hurt us. For example, in the middle of a conflict, your spouse says some cruel things to you. In anger and frustration, he or she used cutting and critical words meant to wound you. That requires forgiveness. 

Grace, on the other hand, is daily accepting a person’s limitations and flaws. For example, your husband tends to be a bit distracted and completely forgot that you had a dinner date planned with another couple. 

A lot of the conflict we experience in marriage or close friendship comes not from willfully hurting each other, but from the clumsiness and carelessness of being flawed human beings. 

While there will be times when it is difficult to forgive each other, I think the greater challenge is the daily habit of learning to extend grace. Grace trusts the heart of the other person even if their actions can be frustrating and insensitive. We cannot have good relationships with children, spouses, parents, siblings, coworkers, or fellow Christians without the determination to be gracious people. 

Have you ever gotten the day or time wrong for a meeting? Have you forgotten a friend’s birthday or lost a valuable item that belonged to someone else? Have you backed up in a parking lot and almost hit a car you absolutely did not see when you checked your mirrors? I’ve done all of those things and many more things that have unintentionally hurt people I love. What a relief to be extended grace rather than anger and bitterness. 

If you struggle to extend grace to others, take a moment to think about how refreshing it is when someone gives you grace. 

CONTEMPLATING CONFLICT: 

Can you recall a time that your spouse showed you much-needed grace? What did it feel like to be shown such grace? Do you find that you are able to easily extend this grace to your spouse? Why or why not? 

CONFLICT AS CATALYST: 

Here is a simple action step you can utilize in your marriage: BE A GRACE GIVER. Jesus told His disciples that the proof of His Lordship in their lives would be how they loved each other. If someone looked at your relationships, would they find the grace of Jesus easily extended? Sometimes the smallest amount of grace can make the biggest difference in squashing conflict before it even starts. By being a grace giver, you create a safe space for your spouse to feel loved, understood, and free to communicate their heart.  Giving grace and forgiveness unconditionally will always result in a marriage that is rich in intimacy.