Finding My Fatherনমুনা

Introduction

This five-day devotional is not a quick fix. It is not a “5 steps to freedom” guide. If you choose to do this devotion with me, you’ll see that forgiveness and true healing doesn’t always happen at the altar. This is an intentional, intensive devotional that I know can help many who have experienced being fatherless like me. My prayer is that whatever day of your journey you are on, you now know you aren’t alone.

“Hello”

It’s day 1. Time to get to know each other a little bit. Let’s start from the beginning with my best friend, my mom. Frankly, my mother is a super hero. I believe she may possibly be an Avenger. She’s an old-school, tongue-talking woman of God. She prayed for me, kept me in church (as long as she could), hid prayer cloths under my car seat, loved me, took care of me, and yet on most days, I still felt like an orphan. She would remind me that God loved me, and he was coming back for me some day. This concept was confusing for someone who had experienced abandonment. A constant void remained.

It was hard to comprehend at such a young age the impact not having a natural father would make in my life. My father was said to be a good dad until I was three years old. At that point, there was a change in behavior and it was as if he died. He ran through women and money, but mostly he ran from us.

All girls picture themselves being “daddy’s little girl”. You can even imagine yourself all grown up one day, in a white princess gown, with your dad walking you down the aisle. But what if that doesn’t happen? What if the fairytale is all that remains? If I had known what pure hurt brings, maybe I would have been able to brace myself against the dark days that were to come. Ungodly beliefs would hit like giant waves throughout my life, devouring every bit of self-confidence I had and yet, no one would know. I was born with a “gift of gab” per say. Making people laugh and have fun, which kept me in a cycle from recognizing truth, yet inside the torment and depression was suffocating me.

An ungodly belief is something that you think about yourself, whether someone told you, a past hurt or trauma caused it, or the enemy whispered it and now you believe it. It is the opposite of what God says about you. It is a lie we rehearse.

Today, on day one I want you to write down any ungodly beliefs you have about yourself. My list was 21 items long. This seems easy, but it may not be as simple as you think. Take your time, breathe, and place that list in your bible. We’ll be back for it later in the week.