Fearless Girlনমুনা

IDENTIFY THE LIE

Many fears we have are built out of the lies we have believed about ourselves, other people or our situation. We build false realities out of these lies and anticipate negative outcomes. The thing about lies is we never know they are a lie until they are exposed. Lies deceive you to believe they are true and convince you that you will never find freedom from your past or present torment. 

Like I mentioned in the devo on Day 2, I believed a lie from childhood that I wasn’t beautiful. For the majority of my life I worked tirelessly to try and compensate for the lack of worth I felt daily. Every day, I would wake up and the first thought on my mind would be, “How am I going to cover up my scar today?” I saw my whole being through the lens of this one lie, yet to me, it wasn’t a lie; it was a reality. 

When my friends gave me a compliment I would say, “Thank you,” and quickly change the topic. I felt uncomfortable being noticed in that way and felt as though they were just saying that because they felt sorry for me. This one lie took root in my heart and gave birth to a multitude of other lies: “You’ll always be ugly. No one will ever find you attractive so you might as well settle for the first guy that likes you. God is punishing you. You don’t have what it takes. No one likes you. You need to work harder to please people,” and the list goes on. These lies gripped my heart and seeped their way into my identity. I began to seek new ways to feel accepted whether it be trying to please people or place my value in how skinny I could get. I spent years wrestling with lies that made me feel worthless, yet I never came to realize the root of these lies until my late twenties. In fact, it has only been a couple of years since finding total freedom and reconnecting with my true value and identity that God created me with. 

There were many things that helped me identify these lies. One major shift happened in my life when on a mission trip to Nicaragua the summer before I went back to school. I was praying for a young girl who didn’t speak English, and I didn’t have a translator, yet our hearts connected and she began to cry in my arms. As I prayed over her, God gave me a sense of what He feels when He looks at her. I felt so much joy, pride, and overwhelming love that was indescribable. In that moment God spoke to me and said, “Esther, you’re my daughter and this is just a fraction of what I feel for you.” At that moment I felt the shame from my youth be consumed in the perfect love of God. 

When I got back to the states and started school, many emotions began to rise to the surface. Feelings of guilt, extreme anxiety that I was making the wrong decision, and lies that I didn’t fit in all began to cloud my mind. I can remember surfing one day on my lunch break and sitting on my board in the water feeling so alone and overwhelmed. God spoke to me and reminded me of the moment in Nicaragua. He reminded me of how He sees me and told me He was proud of me. I was His daughter and I didn’t need to prove anything. I could finally feel a distinct contrast between the voice of God and the emotions of shame and guilt I felt. I knew my emotions were lying to me, but I needed to get to the root of those lies. I began seeking counsel, diving into the Word of God like never before and saturated myself in His presence. I would get home from school every day, lock myself in my room, pray, cry and sing to Jesus. Sometimes, I just sat there in His presence saying nothing, but just being with Him. Every second in His presence I could feel Him weaving my heart back together. It was the sweetest, most intimate time of my life, where I finally felt seen and was starting to see myself the way Jesus does.

You can learn to recognize the lies you’ve been believing too, by discerning the voice that condemns you. It’s important to know lies will always tear you down. We need to expose those lies and allow the voice of truth to take back the narrative in our life so we can finally be free and see ourselves the way Jesus does. 

LIVE THE ADVENTURE:

1. Have you been listening to a broken record of lies in your head that make you feel ashamed or worthless? Has it been difficult to discern the voice of lies and the voice of truth? Write down the thoughts that have been making you anxious and ask yourself if those are words that would come from a loving father.
2. Take time to evaluate your life and schedule. Have you been stuffing your days with tasks to keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time to face what you feel? 
3. Reach out to a friend or counselor who can listen to the things you’ve been feeling and share with them some of the lies you’ve been believing. Allow them to speak truth to you and help you see yourself the way God sees you. Ask them to pray with you and hold you accountable to break free from the unhealthy behaviors that you developed out of believing those lies.