Fearless Girlনমুনা

RECOGNIZE YOUR INSECURITIES

Insecurity is just a symptom of a deeper issue: FEAR. It grows in the hidden shadows of our subconscious like cancer and doesn’t surface until we have allowed its lies to embed themselves into our identity. Oftentimes, we don’t even realize we’re insecure because we keep our low self-esteem hidden beneath pride in hopes to mask our true feeling of insignificance. Insecurity causes us to feel inadequate and incapable of greatness. It causes us to overcompensate in our actions to impress others or earn their approval. Admitting our insecurity and locating the areas where we feel inadequate is the first step to overcoming our fears. 

When I was 9 years old I went through a freak accident that changed my life forever. I was playing an imaginary game with my sister and decided we obviously needed to dress up our cat like a baby and use him in our game. Our cat’s name was Sylvester and he was a feisty one. He hated being picked up and I know he was secretly plotting his escape from our house. I went to get Sylvester and upon entering the room where my sister and I were playing, I closed the door hard behind me which made a loud noise. Sylvester got extremely startled, jumped out of my little arms and climbed up my face, leaving my juvenile skin with gaping wounds. I screamed, ran over to the bed and buried my face in the sheets as my sister ran to get our mom. Blood dripped from my face and into my hands. The days, months and years after this accident left me scarred, both physically and emotionally. I had to get tons of stitches and plastic surgery in hopes to make the scars less obvious. It would take years for them to begin to fade and in the meantime, lies began to embed into my identity as insecurity set in. 

I can remember laying on the couch recovering after my first surgery when a thought crept into my mind that became the cornerstone for insecurity to grow: you’ll never be beautiful. From this moment on I began to search for new ways to fill the gap in my heart of my new reality. To some, this may seem like a minute tragedy. After all, it wasn’t death threatening and worse things have happened to people. Those facts are true, but they rob you of grieving what was lost in order to walk through complete restoration. In fact, those were the exact lies I would tell myself after the accident, downplaying the impact it had on me when people would talk about it. I would deflect the conversation by saying it wasn’t a big deal, or it happened years ago, or make a joke about it. I didn’t want any attention on me or the fact that I felt completely broken, even as a little girl. 

I sit here with tears dripping down my cheeks as I recount this season and my heart aches for my little girl heart that could not articulate the emotions or fears that clouded her mind. It took me many years before I began to recognize and acknowledge my insecurities. I didn’t realize it, but I adopted many defense mechanisms to mask the shame I felt. Behaviors like harsh sarcasm, unrealistic optimism, and fear of intimacy became a part of my identity. But THANK GOD, because of His great love and kindness, He led me along a path in my twenties to re-discover my identity and true worth in Him! Recognizing your insecurities is the first step to finding total restoration and freedom.

LIVE THE ADVENTURE:

1. What may have happened to you in your past that planted a seed of insecurity? 
2. Insecurity can be hidden under pride that has the appearance of fake confidence. Examine your life and ask yourself if there are areas you are attempting to appear confident, but are trying to earn approval.
3. Find a mentor or counselor you can talk to about your past and insecurities. Allow your heart to grieve what has happened to you and begin to take steps to complete restoration.