Finding You Againনমুনা

Single mom, sister in Christ, friend, can we just stop for a moment and acknowledge how precious you are? 

I know that there are many days, when you probably do not feel “precious”, right? But your feelings have nothing to do with God’s truth over your life. Part of the healing process and the learning to forgive is about understanding your value. Your value isn’t tied to a circumstance or a person. It’s tied to Christ. His love for you is infinite. You may have been called the wrong things in the past. Maybe someone has hurt you and spoken things over your life that simply weren’t true. But God calls you:

• Chosen
• Beloved
• Daughter
• Friend
• Redeemed
• Free
• Treasured

Let those descriptors marinate for a moment. Choose to be those things above. You are not defined by a moment, a circumstance, a past, a relationship, a title, or a job. You are defined by a living King.

Once you embrace that truth, it is easier to move into forgiveness. Here’s the deal. Forgiveness is sometimes hard. In fact, most of the time it is hard! It doesn’t come easy or natural for most of us. But we have to remember that forgiveness isn’t about them. It isn’t about what she did to you or how he hurt you or what they said. Forgiveness is about us. It’s about choosing to walk into freedom that Christ offers. It’s about looking at an often terrible situation or circumstance or hardship and saying, “That moment will not define me. I will not allow it to steal joy and life from me a moment longer. I am forgiven by Christ. And because of that, I choose to forgive others.” (And you just may have to remind yourself of that statement 1,000 times over, before it becomes easy!)

How do we move into forgiveness? It seems a bit unfair, doesn’t it? Forgiveness can seem like we are excusing the party that hurt us, excusing someone who may have hurt our children. How can that be? How can we forgive them? Well, we look at the life of Christ. We were made in the image of God. This means we have been created with the ability to forgive, like Jesus did. Jesus was lied upon, falsely accused on wrong-doing, tempted, spit upon, and ultimately killed for absolutely no reason. And yet for every reason! He chose his unfair future and forgave those who wronged him in unspeakable ways, because of love. And that very same love is what allows you and me to forgive freely today. We forgive not because they deserve it, but because he forgave. He paid the price for our freedom. And once we forgive, there is immense freedom. The cloud is no longer over our heads.

Who do we forgive? 

We forgive ourselves and others. We forgive ourselves from past mistakes. Often, that’s where we struggle! We may have mastered the art of forgiving others and cannot comprehend the forgiveness of ourselves. The Lord says he is faithful and just to forgive. He spreads our sins from sea to sea, east to west. And yet, sometimes, we won’t even forgive ourselves! If the supreme, creator of Heaven and earth, and savior of the world can forgive us, it’s safe to say we are really, really forgiven! So stop allowing the past to beat you up and hinder you from receiving that forgiveness. Confess your sins to the Lord and move on.

When we forgive, we must choose to keep forgiving. Rest assured, there will be plenty of opportunities. As a single mom, you may have an ex-mother-in-law that has been hurtful to you. Perhaps you have an ex-husband that has said the wrong thing or chosen the wrong path. Maybe there is a sister in Christ or church member who wasn’t as sensitive as you would’ve hoped.

Over and over again, we must choose forgiveness. And the more we do it, the more freeing it becomes. We keep no record how those who have hurt is. Forgiveness is more than one decision. It is a journey. It’s a daily decision to lay the hurt down and let God handle it.

I am not making light of the devastation that can come from hurtful words or actions. I am not excusing it. The disappointment left by a failed expectation can be devastating. But as believers, we must be mindful that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He destroys the family. He kills relationships. He steals our joy and demolishes lifelong friendships. We aren’t fighting people! We are fighting the enemy. He is masterful at creating division, growing mountains from molehills, and implanting hurt into our hearts that we will not allow to heal.

As you open your heart to forgiveness, here are some things to remember.

1. Administer the same grace to others that we want for ourselves. We are masterful at explaining ourselves, our motives, the why behind the action, and we are even better at asking God to give us grace, when we've fallen. But we are not as prone to give that same grace to others. Yes, maybe she said or did the wrong thing. Yes, he hurt you. Yes, that situation was almost too much to bear. Issuing grace and forgiveness doesn't excuse a behavior. It simply protects the body of believers from division. It gives you permission to move on. Grace allows you the freedom to move into the next season of life.
2. Pray without ceasing. Be certain that if you've been hurt, you are hearing from God on how to handle the situation. We want to use wisdom in how to address the hurt. Some issues are simply not worth discussing. There are things that will be said to you that aren’t worth revisiting over and over again. Yes, communication is crucial, when we’ve been hurt. There are times when a miscommunication caused conflict and talking it out will bring healing. But other times, the Lord may prompt your heart to forgive and there would be no need to discuss. The how and why needs to come from the Lord. We must be in tune to His prompting and presence. He gives us power to forgive, when we couldn’t comprehend doing so, even a week before. He moves. We change!
3. Avoid gossip. This may seem like an odd instruction to forgiveness, but gossip fuels the hurt! Do not talk about the situation to others over and over and over again! Talk to God about the hurt more than you talk to others about it. In fact, I once received some wise advice. Once you've given this situation to God, stop picking it back up, as if he needs your help. Lay this down before Him and don't continue to talk about it. Keep giving it to him and he will care for your heart in a way you can’t imagine. He will mend the brokenness. He will bring healing and that brings forgiveness. His healing allows you to forgive!
4. Resolve to stay active in church. Do not allow your circumstance to keep you from church. Don’t allow something that someone said to you at church to keep you away. Don’t allow embarrassment or shame or hurt to keep you out of God’s house! Truly, church fellowship empowers, educates, strengthens, and encourages. The more you stay committed to God’s house, the more free you become to forgive. The gathering of God’s people and the commitment to godly instruction will bring you new hope and strength each week. And the isolation that comes from falling away from church will only fuel your inability to forgive.

Points to Ponder:

• Can you think of a time that you were forgiven for something that you did that was pretty bad?
• Would you consider forgiveness to be “earned” or “deserved” or part of God’s plan? Explain how deserved forgiveness differs from God’s view on forgiveness.
• What Scripture(s) can you find on forgiveness?
• How much time each day do you think you spend thinking about something that someone has done to you (the hurt)? How might your day, your life, look different if you let that offense go?
• Privately write a letter to God explaining how hurt you are but what has been done to you. Pour your heart out to him.