Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons From Ephesiansনমুনা

Love and Respect

One might have expected the apostle Paul to summarize his message to couples with a statement such as “love each other.” But he didn’t. Instead, his instructions were different for both the husbands and the wives. Many believe that the differences speak to unique needs each partner has; a woman to be loved, and a man to be respected. While these needs may exist, this closing statement does even more than that. It identifies threats that would naturally interfere with a couple’s ability to have a God-honoring marriage and offers a way to avoid them. 

Throughout Scripture, husbands are called to bear the weight of leadership in their families. The mantle of responsibility is heavy and can easily cause men to focus more on the ends rather than the means. This has led many to equate leadership with forcefulness. Expressions such as “putting my foot down” and “wearing the pants in the family” have become commonplace.

To protect against this, Paul reminds men, “let each one of you love his wife as himself.” This is reminiscent of the command to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31) and acts as a check against a quest for control. 

Likewise, wives have been called into a supportive role, to be their husband’s helpers (Genesis 2:18). This can be difficult, especially if the wife happens to be the more natural leader. The tendency would be to try and usurp control through manipulation or by undermining his efforts. Expressions such as “I have three children, and one of them is my husband” become the result.

To combat this, Paul says, “let the wife see that she respects her husband.” If there is respect, there is no room for power plays. Even if a wife doesn’t agree with her husband on a particular issue, if she respects him, she will be able to support him. 

This is not to say that a man need not respect his wife and a woman need not love her husband. There have been plenty of times in my marriage where the most effective way for me to show my wife love was by showing her that I respected her efforts, her role, and her ideas. 

But it does mean that husbands and wives have unique dangers they must watch out for as they journey down the mysterious path of marriage together. 

Pray: Lord, thank You for my spouse. Help me to fulfill my role in this marriage for Your glory. Help me to show love and respect in all I do. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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