You Remain - My Personal Wrestling Match With Godনমুনা

Who Knows Best?

 A month prior to my life-changing cancer diagnosis, Jesus began preparing me. Every sermon, Bible study, devotional, small group curriculum, etc., seemed to point to the same place. There are those rare moments in life when I’ve been able to identify a clear message from Jesus, and this was one of those.

Philippians 1:21 For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. At first it confused me, because it just sounded like bad English (not the band). But after the one hundredth time hearing and reading it, it began to make more and more sense.

“OK, Jesus, I’m listening. I’ve always thought that the ‘life verse’ thing was a little overdramatic, but I guess you want me to take this one on as mine. My life is yours. Everything I am is because of You and for You. OK, giddy up. Let’s do this! Oh yeah, and to die is gain. Cool.”

Snap forward a month to sitting on my couch after coming home from the doctor’s office with the diagnosis of an incurable cancer. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. This little life verse thing just got real. Could this invitation from Jesus still be true with this newfound reality of cancer?

It had been 15 years since I reconnected with a college roommate and his wife, Kara. Kara is dealing with a fairly aggressive cancer and is somehow joyful in the middle of it. There is no reason that she should be joyful through her pain and struggle, but they as a couple are filled with Jesus. Kara began telling me about Jesus’ invitation to her through a simple verse. I’ll give you three guesses as to what it was.

Phil. 1:21: For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. She talked about how hard it is to see this cancer as anything good. How is leaving my kids a good thing? How is my death gain? Then she said, “But I am learning that death cannot be gain unless for me living is all about Jesus.” Once Jesus is enough for us, then death can be seen as gain.

It’s been 13 years of asking Jesus to reveal more of Himself so that my life would actually represent Him in my life and in my death. It’s a bold and, at times, dangerous prayer; but the more we focus on Jesus, the more we actually live… and death is nothing but gain! Let’s be found living as though this is true today!

-TIM

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