You Remain - My Personal Wrestling Match With Godনমুনা

There Is A God And I’m Not Him

Since my cancer diagnosis in 2001, I have had many conversations with Jesus. One of these ongoing conversations had to do with how to tell our four crazy cute kids about Daddy’s diagnosis. No one writes “how to” books on telling your kids difficult things, and when it’s most appropriate, etc.; and if they’ve written them, then I’d never read them. What details do they need to know, and what can their hearts and minds hear and not hear? And to top it off, everyone that we’d prayed for as a family that’d had cancer had died. So this “C” word wouldn’t have been a welcome word to my kids.

Before Hilary (my amazing wife) and I really began to surrender this dilemma to Jesus, fear and worry began to abide with us. Not only did they barge into our world, but they actually moved into our home, emitting their sneaky lies like carbon monoxide. All of a sudden, we started hearing horror stories of kids losing their parents and the effects on them.

I remember being on a plane sitting next to a woman whose husband had just died after a 10-year battle with cancer. I asked her how they initially brought the whole cancer thing up with their kids, and once again, her answer was painful. Whenever their dad was at work, the kids would constantly ask their mom if Daddy was OK. They grew up with a great unrest and insecurity that was then actualized in his death. Fear. Worry. I need to control this. Will this be my kids’ fate?

I’m sure that you have had, are having or will have fears and worries that cloud your line of sight. What if Jesus is always at work inviting us all into a posture of trust and obedience?

Hilary and I decided to take Jesus at His word (because He is THE WORD) and wait on Jesus to take care of the outcome. We began to daily cast our cares on Jesus and ask Him to open doors for conversations to come up about my diagnosis with our kids. There were many times that we just wanted to jump in and bring it up, but to no avail. Jesus was inviting us to trust and be aware of His movements. After six months of daily asking Jesus to lead in this, He opened up a beautiful door into a conversation with my two older kids that is still continuing today.

What if God is God and we are not? What do you need to wait on Jesus for today?

-TIM

P.S. To learn more about my story, watch the “Getting To Know Tim Timmons“ video.