Keeping It on Lockdownናሙና

THE NITTY GRITTY (PART 1)

To be honest, I hate ‘do’s and don’t’s’ in general. I’m a rule breaker by nature and assume since you're reading this, chances are you have some edge, too. BUT we gotta have some practical wisdom when navigating our feelings. Why? Because we’re idiots with no common sense when our impulsive desires call the shots. Also, being a follower of Jesus means we are all called to lay down our life, pick up our cross, and follow Jesus (Matthew 6:24). That means what has been second nature to us living by the standards of this world, now must be crucified on the cross with Christ. But the good news is, we were given a new nature when we came to Christ. "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (2 Corinthians 5:17) But it will take time and new behavior patterns for this new lease on life to take shape.

If all you’ve ever known in dating has been led by your sexual connection to feel close to your partner/see if it's a good fit for a relationship, then let me warn you: the following is going to feel extremely unnatural at first. But just like going to the gym for the first time exposes how weak you are, so does consistently building muscle eventually make it easier over time. In order to reach your fitness goals, you have to have a plan, follow a rigorous routine, and have RESTRAINT in the kitchen. Come on, somebody! If you're catching what I'm putting down, give me an AMEN! God wants us to succeed in keeping it on lockdown. He wants us to achieve the goal and vision we have of a healthy sexual lifestyle and long-lasting marriage one day. But without a plan, you can most certainly plan to fail. So let's tap into some wisdom to equip us for the journey & partner with the Holy Spirit to give us strength to live out this new nature.

For the sake of pure comedy and because I love the movie Nacho Libre, I will call these practical tips The Nitty Gritty Guidelines for Healthy Sexual Boundaries in Dating. I want you to view them as your guide, protecting you from temptation, leading you in the direction of your true desire for a healthy marriage, and lending you discernment to dodge the bullet of dating a psycho (and, better yet, avoiding sleeping with one.) Apply this guide to HOW you date and intentionally pursue a relationship with the goal of marriage. Keeping it on lockdown will become a value you are unwilling to compromise as the opportunity arises. Let's get into it.

1. Date someone who is just as committed to living in sexual wholeness as you. It takes two to tango, but you will trip up if your partner tries to do the cha-cha. GET ON THE SAME PAGE. If you go on a first or second date, and the topic of remaining pure for marriage comes up, but they haven't made that commitment themselves, that isn't your job to inspire them into holiness. Unless they have a pastor or mentor they can go to and actively seek God for revelation in this area, YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION. Keep it moving.

2. TALK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU GET IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. Don’t wait until you are all entangled in each other to bring up the fact that you're keeping it HOLY. If you can see a future with this guy/girl, say, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together and am excited to see where this goes. It’s important for me to see if our values align before continuing our relationship, so I want you to know one of my values is reserving sex for marriage. What are your thoughts on that & is that something you also value?” We’re all adults here, just have the convo. It will become clear real quick if they are here for a good time or a long time.

3. Clarify your physical & emotional boundaries regularly. Listen, I'm not yo mamma. I’m not gonna tell you how far you can go because, let's be honest, everyone is just looking for someone to validate what they are already convicted of. In most cases, one person is usually more comfortable going further than the other, which often leads to compromise. So before you develop a physically intimate relationship, have a CLEAR conversation about your boundaries. Involve a mentor or accountability partner in this and let them speak into it. This will look different for everyone, but some things are quite obviously a no-go.

4. If you’re not going to be proud of it tomorrow in light of your commitment before God to keep it holy, don’t do it. What story will you tell one day to your future kids or those you may lead when you're on the other side of marriage and asked to be an accountability partner? Will your story be one of "learn from my mistakes" or "it's incredibly rewarding and possible to walk this out"? Think about that and live with intentionality in your intimate decisions. Because while no one is watching now, you'll be talking about it one day.

5. Traveling together isn’t wrong, but is it right? This is a hard one for a lot of Christians to navigate. Still, I see so many living below reproach and either falling into sin or giving the appearance of sin by posting about their solo travels on social media. While it may not seem like a big deal to you, people are watching your decisions and looking to you as a model of living a pure life. If you're a Christ follower, you're called to live a life worthy of your calling. If you want to travel to visit each other's families or make memories together, involve a mentor and accountability partner in your planning. Can you bring a friend on the trip? Can you get separate rooms? Who will be holding you accountable for sleeping in separate beds? Don’t just leave it up to fate for things to just ‘happen.’ If you don’t have a plan, you WILL compromise your values.