God Help Me, I’m Grievingናሙና

Grief Is Perfectly Normal

People often view grief as an abnormal emotional response when, in fact, it is the exact opposite. The emotions experienced with grief do not mean you are crazy or weak. Rather, they show you are a normal person who has experienced loss and is in need of healing.

Seeing grief as abnormal can hinder your ability to heal. A common challenge is receiving judgmental and unsympathetic responses from family and friends who do not understand the grief process. They might say:

• “You should be over that by now.”

• “It’s been long enough. You need to just move on.”

• “Don’t cry; you know he or she is in a better place.”

• “God wouldn’t put more on you than you can bear.”

• “You wouldn’t still be grieving if you had more faith.”

While each of these statements may have some truth, it’s important to evaluate them critically. Grief is normal. Reject the sentiments of others who view your grief as out of the ordinary. Respect your journey, even when others don’t understand or respect it. The Bible says, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy” (Proverbs 14:10).

It had been about three weeks since my father’s death, and I was still experiencing the sadness that came with the finality of that relationship. While talking with my husband one day about how I was feeling, he said, “It’s been three weeks. You should be better by now.” I responded in anger. It took me more than a few minutes to calm down and realize that my husband just did not know how to handle my grief. Because he could not fix it, my grief made him uncomfortable.

Often, people wanting you to “grieve faster” are having difficulty dealing with your grief and want it to end as quickly as possible. The comments you hear about moving on, not crying, or placing a time limit on your tears may have very little to do with you; they have far more to do with those around you. After all, grief isn’t pretty. It’s hard, painful, and can be downright ugly at times.

As difficult as it may be for family and friends to witness your grief, do not apologize for it. It is normal and necessary for healing. You have the right to grieve in your own way and in your own time.