God, Sex, and Your Marriageናሙና

Sacrificial Love

God’s love for us required great sacrifice. Jesus came to earth, humbled Himself by taking on the form of human flesh, was obedient to everything the Father asked of Him, and gave His life to save His Beloved. In response, Jesus asks those who love Him to deny themselves and to lose their lives in pursuit of His kingdom. Christianity is built on this kind of self-giving love. Why are we surprised when the metaphor of sexual love within marriage costs us something? God cares deeply about how we are learning to love each other. The journey of sexual intimacy will require you to learn to love each other sacrificially. If your sex life revolves around one of you, something is wrong. If your spouse rarely enjoys sex but engages in it just to keep you from temptation or to please you, your sex life is unhealthy and not in line with God’s created design. In almost every marriage, one spouse will need to nurture the sexual desire of the other. This may include communication, counseling, patience, and learning to trust through non-sexual touch.

Most men and women who have a low sexual desire in marriage stay stuck in that place because they never take the time to explore and address barriers to intimacy. Mutual love calls us to consider the emotional, relational, and sexual needs of both the husband and the wife, no matter who expresses the desire for more sex. Sacrificial love calls them both to work toward genuine intimacy, not just a sexual release.

When Jesus predicted His death, He said, “I lay my life down for my sheep . . . No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again” (John 10:15, 18). Sacrificial love still has boundaries, as Jesus’ love displays. He would not be manipulated or forced into complying with anyone’s agenda. He willingly gave out of love for us and obedience to the Father. Our attitude toward one another should be the same.

Taking sexually from your spouse without their willingness is abuse. Using the Bible to manipulate your husband or wife or threatening to leave or cheat if you don’t get your way is a gross distortion of Christ’s love. Manipulated love or sex is not sacrificial love!

The journey of sex transforms into intimacy when we recognize this: a great sex life is impossible without unselfishness and sacrifice. It may be as minor as sensitivity to your spouse’s preferences and as profound as deeply loving a spouse who is physically or emotionally incapable of meeting your sexual desires. Choosing to serve your spouse sexually is not a duty, but the unfolding of a unique facet of Christ’s love.

1. How have you experienced Christ’s sacrificial love for you?
2. Why is it important to remember that sacrificial love still has boundaries?
3. How do we see this in the example of Jesus’ life?