How to Deal With Jealousy in a Christian Marriage ናሙና

Sinful Jealousy

There is a sinful and wrong jealousy that we need to overcome—one which is not good. This jealousy involves insecurity, fear, inappropriate ownership over a person, control, and suspicion. It is an entirely different thing than the righteous jealousy—the one where we encourage each other to be wise and mindful. This unrighteous jealousy is what people usually refer to when they talk of being jealous. This kind of jealousy is the sinful desire of the flesh that sets itself against the work of the Spirit. It is the work of the flesh. It is a kind of jealousy that brings disorder and all sorts of evil.

Sometimes, a spouse who was sexually unfaithful later feels jealous of their spouse. The unfaithful spouse is constantly expecting some kind of payback and fears experiencing the kind of pain they caused their spouse to feel. We need to understand that sin has consequences and repercussions. Sin brings its own set of pains and often results in our experiencing conflict. However, when we confess our sins, and repent, the forgiveness God gives for sin is real forgiveness, and it is full forgiveness. God will not pay us back with the pain we inflicted as a judgement.

If it was our spouse who sinned and I am jealous because I have not fully forgiven them, and I fear they will make the same mistake again, I have to truly forgive them from the heart and give those fears to the Lord.

There is also another thing we must understand: We cannot make idols out of our spouses. The world does not end when our spouse does not live up to our standards. Sometimes we experience fear, suspicion, and more because we have a misplaced emphasis on the person to whom we are married. We have taken the sense of priority, trust, and satisfaction that we ought to know in God and transferred it to our spouse. When we do this, our greatest fear in life becomes losing that sense of stability and satisfaction that we have invested in a person who could be here today and gone tomorrow.

When we both love and serve Christ, that feeling of satisfaction and wholeness should come from Him and Him alone. Are you giving more priority to your spouse than you are to God? Where does your security come from?