How to Deal With Jealousy in a Christian Marriage ናሙና

Understanding Jealousy

What comes to your mind when you hear or read the word jealous? The first thing that you thought of was probably something negative. Maybe you thought of an insecure, wounded husband or wife, who is possessive and aggressive when it comes to their spouse talking to or interacting with other people. Perhaps you thought of an older brother getting angry at his younger brother for having their parents’ attention at a time when he wanted it all to himself. Did you think of the time you envied a friend who had something you wanted for a long time but could not afford?

Jealousy is a feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone else has something or someone you want. It is also the state of vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. Often, we use the words jealousy and envy interchangeably, but they can have different meanings: envy is wanting what others possess, and jealousy is not wanting others to have what you possess.

Jealousy can often be a bad and sinful feeling to have. However, there are times when it can be a positive feeling. Jealousy can be both holy and righteous, and unholy and unrighteous. It can spring from a genuine love and care, and it can also be a sinful expression from an insecure and wounded person.

The Bible says that God is a jealous God. Knowing this, do you still think all forms of jealousy are bad? God is jealous for us. He wants us to worship and honor Him and Him alone. He is jealous for our undivided love and affection. He is jealous for His honor and glory. That is a good kind of jealous. God is not sinful; He is perfect. Therefore, the kind of jealousy He feels for us is not sinful nor unholy, but righteous and pure.

In a marriage, there can be wrong and sinful expressions of jealousy, but there can also be righteous expressions of jealousy when the spouses are two mature, Christ-centered people. The wrong kind of jealousy can bring confusion, division, and fear. The right kind of jealousy can bring clarity and healing.

How do you feel knowing that God is jealous for His relationship with you? Can you think of ways you have had righteous and unrighteous feelings of jealousy for your spouse?