Boy Momናሙና

A Job You Never Outgrow

We all want assurance that our sons love us, but boys tend to be less open than girls about their needs, thoughts, and feelings. Males think differently, process differently, and are wired differently than we are in nearly every way. Because of this, women sometimes don’t “get” their sons. Some of the women I hear from grew up with only sisters or imagined raising daughters. And now they find themselves with a son (or two or three), and they feel lost. 

Here’s the good news: you don’t have to love dirt, noise, or even Transformers to have a great relationship with your son. Sure, you might have to endure some of these things (and occasionally you’ll be surprised to learn to love them), but your son needs you just the way you are and will continue to need you in every stage of his life. 

When he’s young and vulnerable, he needs a safe and secure place to rest, someone with whom he can simply be 100 percent himself. As he grows up, he will continue to need you—to celebrate his successes and to love him unconditionally when he fails. And when his voice starts to crack and his hormones start to run wild, he’ll need you, perhaps more than ever, to reassure him that he’s normal and that the truest things about him haven’t changed. 

As our sons grow, we need to pick up on what is no longer comfortable or appropriate for them. The handholding and pet names need to end when your son signals you, not when you’re ready. A wise Boy Mom is a student of her son, watching, listening, and picking up on cues about how he feels most loved as he grows. 

One way to communicate love for our sons at any age is to create a warm and loving environment in our homes. Boys appreciate it when we are lighthearted and playful, quick to laugh and have fun, even during stressful seasons. When times are hard—when appliances break down or the bills pile up—we need not hide our challenges, but we can show our children what it looks like to face difficulties with positivity and faith. 

In what ways have you adjusted the ways you show love to your son over the years? Are there any habits you need to change now?