In Love & Always Arguingናሙና

What Did You Just Say?

Sometimes you have to remind your brain that you actually care for this person or else your tongue will cut them apart.

Have you ever said something during an argument that you wish you could take back? 

When we let our emotions speak for us, we end up fighting against our relationship instead of the original intent, which was to express our point of view (hopefully). It’s painful when your partner gives you a label based on a shortcoming. Criticisms and generalizations about person’s "WHOLE" identity based on mistakes they’ve made can destroy intimacy and connection. Ex: Your partner forgets something and you say, "you're so selfish, you never think about me." To avoid these rash and hurtful generalizations, it’s important to be specific with your complaints.

[Ella here!] I remember one time I expected David to do something for me, even though I didn’t express it. Well, he didn’t do what I hoped he would and immediately I said “You don’t think about me, all you do is think about yourself!” Now, there was plenty of evidence that would prove that statement to be a lie, but in the moment, I allowed what he didn’t do to define his character and who he is. 

What we don’t realize is that a blanket statement is actually a declaration. So when you say “You ARE selfish” “You ARE childish” “You ARE inconsiderate” those are all declarations, and I don’t think you want to speak that into existence. So watch your mouth. Express how you feel without allowing the enemy to use you as a mouthpiece to speak a negative confession over your partner. Your words mean more to your partner than you’ll ever know, so strive to speak your truth with kind words that are sweet to the soul and healthy for the body (Proverbs 16:24).

A lot of our issues stem from the lack of respect we have for God. Think about it: if you were talking to someone who is a child of your mentor or a child of someone you admire, you’d be cautious with how you speak to them because you know that they are connected to greatness. In this same way, even though you are comfortable with your partner, please remember that he or she is a child of God and highly valued by God. So even if you are upset with them, remember that if you mishandle or bruise them emotionally or physically, you are messing with God’s appointed one!