How To ThriveSample

How To Survive THRIVE - Emotionally

Day 1: Anger Management

Anger is a complex emotion. From mild frustration - to blind rage, this emotion can be triggered by a passing comment that pierces your heart to violated boundaries that wage war with your values. In the context of relationships, anger is a self-protecting emotional ‘bark’ and very often our first line of defence due to the pain we feel from the actions of others. Anger is therefore known as a secondary emotion, a safer expression that hides the pain of the primary emotion. 

• The feeling of betrayal


• The feeling of rejection


• The feeling of abandonment

Ephesians 4:26 begins by saying ‘do not sin’ whilst angry. This can bring comfort to many who believe the ‘emotion of anger’ is wrong. This scripture is clear, the focus is based on what we do while angry, how we choose to react. It continues by saying ‘don't let the sun go down while you are still angry’, revealing the importance of addressing the trigger as quickly as possible. When we don't deal with the offence that triggered anger in us, it can cause bigger problems, things like rage, revenge, unforgiveness - spaces where the work of the devil thrives as it drives wedges relationally between people.  

James 1:19 gives us some very practical tools in dealing with anger. “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” So when anger is triggered in you, the first thing to do is find a safe space to allow yourself to feel the emotion whilst asking yourself WHY you feel angry. In other words, identify the primary painful emotion. Be quick to listen to your heart. The act of doing this actually communicates to yourself a sense of value. This creates space for angry emotions to dissipate, bringing yourself into emotional regulation. Trying to have a “help me understand” conversation whilst still angry will hinder your ability to truly hear. When anger has been triggered due to hurt, listening to understand versus listening to respond is key to creating a safe space for communication. Finally expressing your primary emotions with statements, like “I felt betrayed when you...” instead of screaming in anger “YOU BETRAYED ME!” will foster more productive results to gaining reconciliation and it will aid the offender in better understanding how their actions impacted your emotions.

Written by Madz Deyzel | Grace Counselling Director