How To ThriveSample

How To Survive THRIVE - Emotionally

Day 3: Guilt or Shame

Guilt is a very natural emotion we feel when we know we have messed up. A healthy response to guilt is one of conviction and repentance. Guilt says, ‘I made a mistake’ so I own it and fix it. Guilt is connected to what I have done; a behaviour which we are capable of changing. However, if a person is continuously overwhelmed with guilt, this is an indication that they have actually processed their behaviour into an identity. Shame says, ‘I am a mistake!’ This can leave people with a deep sense of hopelessness as it can feel impossible to change an identity versus a behaviour. 

Shame is an identity-crippling emotion that results in a need to hide and run away from God and others. We see this behaviour in Genesis 3 - Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and immediately became aware of their nakedness and felt shame because of it. They personally felt exposed and insecure in their position with God. They had a new awareness of their vulnerable, shame-fueled self; resulting in their own attempt to cover themselves up and run and hide. Psychology calls this need to cover up masks, or defence mechanisms. Note the behaviour draws us away from God, into self-dependence and a drive to cover up our own falleness. The enemy whispers condemnation over us to keep us in that prison of shame. However, scripture is very clear that there is NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ. This is a truth we need to declare over ourselves, despite what we may feel. The enemy will always try and tag your identity to your behaviours and your failures, trying to convince you that what you DO is who you ARE. It is vital to know the difference between healthy guilt and condemning shame. One leads to healing and life, the other to spiritual death.  One is driven by the enemy, the other by the work of the Spirit. After Adam and Eve messed up, we read in Genesis 3:9 that God asked them their very first question. He asked them “where are you?”.  A positional question, revealing that God is more interested in where we are, than what we have done. Let this truth bring you out from hiding in your shame, into the life-giving arms of our redemptive Father.

Written by Madz Deyzel | Grace Counselling Director