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Who Are Your Backup Singers?

The Song of Songs is the greatest duet of all time.

This Old Testament book is the love song of Solomon and the Shulammite woman. It starts with their young, budding love (chapters 1–2), moves to the wedding and honeymoon (chapters 3–4), and ends with building faithfulness and commitment to the marriage (chapters 5–8).

Throughout the lyrics, we hear from “the daughters of Jerusalem” as they sing backup. Every time they speak, they rejoice, delight in, and praise the love of Solomon and the Shulammite woman.

Every marriage is a duet in need of great backup singers—voices that encourage the couple to prioritize each other.

The quality of your marriage has a lot to do with the quality of the friends and family singing into it. Some marriages drift because of the jaded, off-key voices singing over it.

There are three considerations in choosing good backup singers.

First, they need to esteem marriage as highly valuable. If they see marriage or a spouse as a weight, hindrance, crutch, prison, or “the old ball and chain,” invite them to surrender their microphones.

Second, choose backup singers who advocate for your marriage, not just for you. It’s easy to pick sides when conflict arises, but you want someone who is for your future together.

Third, a backup singer must set a good example. Just as I avoid financial advice from broke people swimming in debt, I ignore marriage advice from spouses who belittle each other in front of family and friends. Identify those couples who enjoy life together and hand them a microphone. Be intentional with the relationship and invite them to speak into your marriage.

By the way, you need to be a great backup singer too. There are couples in your life who need you to rejoice and delight in them. Never underestimate the power of a simple word of encouragement. Many marriages around you are starving to have life-giving words spoken over them.

Father, as you bless our marriage, we bless the marriages around us. We thank you for [insert names of backup singers]. Bless their marriage and home. Keep their path far from drift. And we pray for [insert names of a couple you want to encourage]. Give us the words to say and the right time to say them. We want to be a blessing to their marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.