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Day Four

Since When Is Dating Fun?

Scripture: Isaiah 55:9; James 1:17

One of the myths our culture tells us is that the primary purpose of dating is to have fun. Dating is seen as a type of recreation or some kind of grown-up game we play.

Think of it this way: If you’re dating because on some level you enjoy the process, and marriage is just this incidental thing that might happen if things work out, then your real goal in dating is to have fun. And so you continue to play the same games, chase the same experiences, and end up in the same places you’ve been. Until one day, you think, Wow. I’ve been doing this for a long time, and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. 

The tragic aspect of this “dating for fun” mentality is that dating around isn’t all that fun. I’ve lived through different relationship statuses: single, dating, and married (also single-while-sleeping-around and dating-for-fun). I’ve also counseled many other young adults through the issues associated with each stage. I’ve seen people do all of this wrong and invite incredible pain into their lives. I’ve seen people do this really well and experience a life-giving marriage. So I can say from experience and from observing the experiences of others: dating is awful. I mean, of the three options of singleness, dating, and marriage, dating is by far the least fun. If you are having a blast dating around, you’re probably doing it wrong. 

Marriage is a gift from God, and (for most people) it is worth pursuing. Singleness, also, can be a gift from God. But God did not create dating. People did. Dating can be redeemed; it can fulfill a godly purpose. But only if we date with a purpose. 

The only reason we should date is to get married. 

That simple statement has some serious implications. If you don’t want to be married, don’t date. If you’re not ready to be married right now (or in the very near future), then don’t date right now. 

Dating with an eye toward marriage changes not just when you date and who you date but also how you date. Since the end goal is marriage, you want to do things in dating that will set you up for success in your marriage—whether that’s with the person you’re dating currently or with someone else in the future.

If someone looked at your dating life, would they guess you were dating for fun or dating with marriage in mind? Why?