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Love and Forgive

People “naturally” lash back when they are hurt, and they desire revenge on the one who hurt them. They harbor anger and attempt to retaliate. And sometimes, like little kids, they even want to retaliate in self-destructive ways. For example, a woman who has been betrayed by a man she is dating may then do the same to him. Perhaps they had agreed to an exclusive relationship, deepening their commitment and trust. Then she found that he was seeing someone else. She might, in turn, date another person, thinking, That will show him how it feels. The problem with this rationalization is that while he certainly needs to know how he hurt her, this kind of retaliation does damage to her character.

The Old Testament Law of Moses talks about the law getting even in its expression of “an eye for an eye.” Exodus 21:23 – 25 attempts to regulate retribution, dictating that the punishment must match, but not exceed, the damage done.

But Jesus taught his followers not to exact revenge, or demand the execution of justice, but to give the other person a chance (Matthew 5:38 – 39). This is quite “unnatural”; in fact, it is a work of God in people’s lives to help them to not retaliate against one who has wounded them. We must replace the natural with the spiritual.

Jesus’ teaching on this subject confuses many people. They wonder if he was saying we should never protect ourselves from hurt. It is an important question. However, remember these two facts: (1) Jesus’ words are true. We are called to not take revenge, but to make peace, which is a higher calling; and (2) Matthew 5:38 – 42 needs to be understood not by itself but in the light of all of Scripture. Other passages teach us to protect ourselves (see, for example, Proverbs 22:3). Thus we need to look at each situation individually and figure out what kind of loving limits are appropriate. We know that Jesus is not against setting limits — boundaries are taught throughout the entire New Testament. But we also know that Jesus calls us to be merciful and forgiving and open to further relationship, which is a turning of the other cheek.