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Empathy

The second way you can become a hero in your marriage and with your family is by practicing empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Although empathy sounds simple, it can be quite difficult, especially for men.

Why is that?

The majority of men have been conditioned since early childhood not to feel their feelings, much less be empathetic with others. Perhaps that is how you were raised? Do any of these statements sound familiar?

Real men don’t cry.

Walk it off.

Or my favorite, rub some dirt on it.

If you heard any of these on a regular basis, being empathic may be difficult for you. However, difficult doesn’t mean impossible. This may mean you will have to retrain your brain, but rest assured that your marriage and your family will benefit from it.

So, let’s figure out how to start practicing empathy by asking ourselves two questions.

1. How can I be empathic with my spouse and children if I have never really experienced my own feelings?
2. How can I be emphatic with my family if they experience something I have never gone through?

The answer to the first question may go against everything you have been taught to believe but it’s ok for you to have emotions and for your wife and children to see it. This allows your wife to come alongside you, and it shows your children how to properly handle their own emotions.

The second question will take a little bit more intentionality because to be truly empathic, you need to be able to understand the emotion your family is feeling. We don’t all go through the same experiences, but there are ways to be empathic without having the same experiences.

We can do this in a few easy steps that are backed up in scripture.

We start by really listening to understand instead of listening to respond. Proverbs 18:13 makes it clear that it’s foolish to answer someone before listening to them.

After really listening to your wife or children, if you still genuinely don’t understand why they feel the way they do, now is the time to ask powerful and clarifying questions. By taking the time to listen and then ask questions we are modeling Proverbs 2:2. We are "making our ears attentive and inclining our hearts to understanding.” The more questions you ask the more you will learn about your family, and the easier it will be to show empathy.

Although this may be difficult at first, showing empathy towards your wife and children in their time of need could be the difference between making a lasting connection and leaving them feeling totally disconnected.

Be the hero of your home by establishing a strong connection with your family.

Prayer

Father,

Help me today to show empathy in my home. Allow me to be a person who understands and sees things from my wife's (and children's) point of view. Lord, let me be the example of empathy that my family can follow.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Action

When your wife or children come to you with a situation where they need your empathy, give them your undivided attention, listen to them carefully, and follow the Biblical advice found in Romans 12:15. Allow yourself to feel the emotions they are experiencing, and try to understand why they feel the way they do.

Also, remember . . . it doesn’t always have to be a sad emotion; we can be empathic in the joy as well.