What is it like to be on the other side of you?

When I ask leaders where their biggest challenges or weaknesses are, they point at their teams. However, when I ask teams what needs to be better, they almost always cite problems in leadership.

When I ask each group what the other’s contributions are, the answers rarely match. There is a profound incongruence between what most people believe it’s like to be on the other side of them and what it’s actually like to be on the other side of them.

Have you considered what it’s like to be on the other side of you in your personal and professional life? Not what you want people to think or the narratives you have created about yourself, but how people experience you in real time.

Biomythography means “a style of composition that weaves myth, history, and biography in an epic narrative.” It’s basically the idea that you and I are consistently telling ourselves a story about ourselves and others intertwined with some truths and some myths.

In our narratives, especially about other people we have tension with, we often tell ourselves stories where we're the heroes, and they're the villains. And in reality, neither are probably true.

(NIV) Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

You and I have the same superpower: We are really good at seeing what everybody else needs to work on.

Our spouses, kids, leaders, in-laws, and colleagues have a lot of work to do, right?

Our list for how everyone can improve is rather robust and long, but the list we have ourselves is rather vague and short.

I just don’t think we pause long enough to consider what it's like to be on the other side of us. The minute we start talking about self-awareness, everyone assumes they have it, and others don’t. Which is the irony of self-awareness. Self-awareness is the biggest problem we all have that none of us believe we have. But have you considered what’s it like to be on the other side of you? Have you considered what the speck in your eye might be?

Do you know what it’s like to be married to you?

Date you?

Work with you?

Share a room with you?

Travel with you?

Be led by you?

Raise children with you?

Some of you might be thinking… it’s awesome, but I would say… are you sure???

I think you and I should navigate the world with a sense that maybe we’ve got a speck in our eye and that maybe what it’s like to be on the other side of us isn’t as enjoyable as we might think. It could be fun. It could be exhausting. But we will begin to grow when we live with the consideration of how others experience us.

Prayer

God, I know I have blind spots that inform my inner narrative and impact how I interact with others. Like the Psalmist in Psalm 139:23-24, search my heart and know my thoughts. I welcome you to transform the way I think and how I interact with people. I want your wisdom, and I want my internal and external life to reflect you.

Help the scriptures I read today to penetrate my heart and renew my mind deeply. Amen.